Another conversation on the green couch - April 11th

     Another month and a half flew by, and we had much encouraging news with the church from salvations, new people, new logo, new name and a potential new facility. All of this was bubbling away around us, it is what we do day in and day out so to have so many encouraging stories almost caused us to fly along on auto-pilot with the adoption. The update had been completed, our taxes had been submitted and the admin side of things was sorted (for now at least) When we came to a Thursday we sighed deeply, it's our day off and the worries/tasks of leading the church take a backseat while we relax, go shopping, out to eat and generally enjoy each other's company. Also on these days is when we usually have some honest conversation about life, often mixed around games of Ticket to Ride and coffee in the red room. On this Thursday Rebecca just came right out and said it.

'We're not going to adopt from the agency in America,  I don't think it's going to happen'

     I've learned to accept, trust and follow Rebecca's hunches and I agreed with her that I didn't think it would happen either. It was a bit of a surreal conversation as something that we have desired, fought for, spent money, time and unaccounted emotion for now seemed to be out of our grasp. It reminds me of something either dropped in water or hit into water that is just beyond your reach and slowly it drifts away or down stream. If it is a stream then there is that possibility the object may drift back toward shore or get stopped on a rock where it could be reached by a stick or by the hand. That's the way our process has felt, it was out of grasp again but we definitely felt that further down the metaphorical stream it would come back into reach. The truth of the analogy is the reality of the lack of control that we have, the stream is in control. For our process our Heavenly Father is in control and only He can orchestrate how, who, when, where and numerous other questions which we are unable to answer.

     Having this type of conversation you might expect would be deflating, depressing, the kind that takes the wind out of your sails. For us it was different, it was relief, no longer did we have to hold onto fading hope almost fooling ourselves. Rather we could get up brush ourselves off and get back on the horse. Honesty is the best policy and for us it was very liberating to be brutally honest about where we were both thinking individually.