November 1st - Life is Beautiful

      These past couple of days have been interesting ones, it has been half-term so not as much going on around here. Sometimes it seems so busy with seeing people, meetings, study, other stuff that takes up space and time that it would seem almost impossible to have little ones running around. Other times like these last two days it would seem like the norm, like the way it should be. If you are a loyal reader of this blog you'll know that we continue to wait for our opportunity to have the little ones running around. Is waiting tough? Yes.  Are we in a place of peace? Yes. Do we so desire adopting? Yes, interesting that while I was sitting here Rebecca exclaimed that it is National Adoption month, isnt' that great there is such a thing.
     We went through the process of applying for a grant to cover some of the cost of the adoption, finding ones that we can actually apply for and meet the criterion is a job in itself. There is much help out there for families but most are for overseas adoption, or for special needs situations. Anyway we did apply and received the news today that we were not given any help by the organization, there are simply too many applicants and not enough money. Isn't that wonderful there are too many applications to wade through, unfortunatley there is not enough finance for each one. Compare that with a stat that Rebecca read the other day which said there were 60 newborn to 1 year olds adopted in the whole of the UK in 2011. Drink that in, that's 60 adopted in a country of nearly 70 million people. Last year in the UK 189,000+ abortions were carried out, while 60 adoptions of newborns to 1 year olds took place. Our fabulous agency in Indiana may have 10 in one month. That's one agency in one state in one month. Doesn't seem the same problem of too many applicants looking for help lies here. Actually they're certainly many wonderful families who would love to adopt, we know some ourselves. Their stories tend to revolve around difficulty within the system and a general lack of any expediency on the part of the system. Either side of the pond there are walls to climb over and roads to walk.
    As I sit here on my couch typing I am listening to the soundtrack to the film October Baby. If you have not heard of the movie is it based on two real- life situations where babies who were supposed to be aborted were actually born. While the movie is not a blockbuster, has it's flaws and is somewhat predictable it does tell and show the story of the power of life. Hannah the college freshman who was not supposed to be has much to offer, she is very talented and carries so much possibility within her. She has been brought up without knowing her past, and when she finds out some of the truth it rocks her. She has not been raised in an open adoption, rather it has been very closed to the point where she does not really know who she is. It is a film with tear-jerking moments, one to make you think and crackin soundtrack. Below is the track Life is Beautiful by the Afters, it is the title track of the film with some footage of the film.

   
      We are keen to engage with an open adoption, meaning one where the child is fully aware of their situation as being adopted, knowing their birth mother, father if all parties are up for that. This might be considered an odd arrangement but how great for the child to know the one who was willing to give birth and life. We of course look forward to raising that child, to seeing the possibility and destiny within their life. As I've written in previous blogs if you are someone who prays then please continue to do so for us, if you are not then I welcome to remember us or even give prayer a try, we certainly value any and all support from our friends and readers.

17th September - Riga, Latvija and the Right to Life

Museum of the occupation

 When you are on holiday in a foreign country there are many expectations including, new cultural experiences, great regional cuisine, travelling problems, awkward yet funny instances of languge misunderstanding, seeing historical buildings just to name a few. What you don't expect is to have your emotions rocked. Maybe at a museum like the Latvian Occupation Museum which chronicles the period of 1939-1990 when the land and people were occupied by either Soviet or Nazi forces you would expect to have emotions stirred. We only made it through the exhibit up to 1941 in our hour there, at that point our emotions were already quite affected. A beautiful land that was added to the Soviet regime in 1939, lost 1,000's to deportation, was then occupied by Nazi Germany in 1940. Out of the 70,000 Jews who lived in Latvia only 1,000 made it till the end of WWII. By the time we got to 1941 when Russia took control again we were tired and ready to think about something lighter.

     We had gone on a tourist tram ride and seen some peculiar statues. We were very eager to get much closer to them and see what they commemorated, probably the number of children killed in the deportation or lost in the wars throughout the years. We strolled through Old Town on the way to the park which snakes along with the canal so that we could enjoy a boat ride through town and out on the Daugava River. The little monuments were those of babies but not ones whose parents had died in war or babies killed in occupation. They were 40 identical monuments of babies who were never born. A story was written beneath each one as told from a mother to the pregnancy crisis centre in Latvia. They were all stories of babies who were aborted for various reasons including unwanted pregnancy, to busy for a baby, not mature enough, too much abuse in the home, not the right time and a plethora of other excuses to abort. A chilling account of the guilt that mothers live with day in and day out.
     We were rocked, not expecting to encounter something like this in a foreign land, one where abortion had been accecpted and at times encouraged throughout the years. What struck me were the many aspects of why this was such an effective exhibit. Firstly when was the last time you heard/read about pro-life/anti-abortion that was tasteful, not in your face yet very poignant and culturally relevant? This was it. The demonstration took place on one of the busiest squares in the city as we read each account at least 20-30 people were milling around us no doubt being affected at some level. Think about it, if one pregnant lady is passing by contemplating abortion how much effect could this exhibit have on the her life and the one in her womb?
     Each little monument was exactly the same size, shape and colour. Each little life had been terminated and not given the opportunity to be endlessly varied from each other. One of the amazing aspects of our lives is the manifold differences that we each carry from one person to the next. Those little stones representing terminated lives were all repeats of each other, they never were really started in living out their lives. The Crisis Pregnancy Centre of Latvia protrayed this display so well, how great would it be to have this kind of statement in the town centre of Basingstoke or wherever you live? We were told recently by a doctor here in the UK that 1 in 3 pregnancies in the UK end up in termination of a baby. How hard is it to stomach that figure? If exhibits like this, adoptions of little ones and change of hearts/laws take place God willing that ratio will not be so bleak in the future. I trust that you are moved as we are looking at the pics from this exhibition, do also enjoy a few other shots from our great holiday to Lithuania and Latvia.

A picture frame in Cesis, a little town in Lavia

Our apartment 9 Palasta

The mighty Baltic Sea off the Curonian Spit in Lithuania

Us in Klaepida, Lithuania

Presidents of Latvia and Turkmenistan

September 13th - it's been a year

     Reflecting back on a whole year can be a tall task. It was just 365 days ago that the renewal of our thoughts and plans on adoption took place. In some respects much has happened over the year period but then from another angle much is still the same. Throughout the twelve months we have in chronological order; been on a holiday to Somerset, been informed that we'd have to move, planned our America trip, found a place to live in the village, gone to Indiana for a month, moved 2 1/2 weeks later, introduced Nooma our lilac Burmese kitten into our lives, had various houseguests, 3 large church/village events all affected by poor weather, enjoyed the Queen's Jubilee and Olympics here in England, been on a trip to Lithuania/Latvia and carried on with normal life and it's ups and downs. (whew long sentence) There has been plenty going on, for any of you who have moved house you know how strenuous plans can be. Acquiring the rental on a new place, transfer of funds, moving out of one house into another, coordination of the logistical side of things and what do you do with your stuff at the new one? It is much more than a couple week process.
     Clearly this year has been highlighted by our adoption process (hence the blog) and that too is logistical, financial and administrative tas which can be quite consuming. While consuming it is also so worth it much like excerise which is a commitment that is painful but healthy in the short and long run. Like stated before this year has brought with it much change but also much has stayed the same as well.

     Last September 13th we were without child or children and the same applies to this 13/9 as well. This is both difficult and the norm at the same time. We are used to life without having kids to consider in all decisions, without having the extra mouth to feed, but we are more than ready for that to change. As of this writing a year that position has not changed as we carry on waiting. What will this blog entry look like on September 13th 2013 who knows? We have been around long enough to know that nothing is certain, it simply is not wise to count one's chickens before they hatch. This is not say that all is doom and gloom, by no means! Death and taxes are all that are gauranteed according to the saying and in our lives we are attempting to keep the tension between our hopes/desires and the reality of our situation at the forefront of our prayers. I do look forward to the entry on  13/9/13, what will be written, thought and what pictures will adorn the page? For now let's simply write about 13/9/12.

August 21st - No title, just some thoughts

      Admittedly it has been a while since last blogging, for that I'm sorry. I have been doing much writing but not on the blog, drumming up content has not been easy. It seems like a broken record being played when the only news you have is not having news. Saying 'no we haven't heard anything' does get old and it gets deflating. But we have so many great friends here and there who are so careful not to ask us too often and they truly want to know the latest but not by putting us in difficult spots. For this I am so happy, would I like, no love, no be ecstatic to scream from the hilltops that we have news of course, but in the land between we are well cared for by those who love us. This phrase land between seems to make a bunch of sense right now for us, we're somewhere in the process of waiting, we've finished the practical on one end and have loads of practical on the other end. This is a bit like being in the middle of walking across a wood suspension bridge or an open highway near no gas stations with hardly any signs, you don't have any choice but to keep walking or driving.

      Is it a comfortable place, no in a word, but then again we don't call the shots. If moving to England and leaving what was so known to us has done anything it has taught us faith, faith at a different level. If joining the adoption process has taught us anything it's faith and at a higher level. The last entry was about Abraham, and it's not a shock that his story comes up constantly, whether it be a prayer meeting, conversation, magazine article you name it. His journey taught him and his family much but I'm sure that a greater level of faith was lesson number one. 

 If there is a concern that i have with the blog is that it will turn into a public place to moan, that's not the desire. Rather it is a blank page and forum for thoughts and for invitation for you our readers to join us in prayer. If you know us well you'll know what to pray, you don't have to tell us you are, just let them rise. If you happened across the blog then we welcome prayer for a reassurance of God's timing, His hand at work in the adoption process and faith to rise within us. Thank you all for your care and prayer.

July 19th - One out of 72

     What do you say to people or blog about when there is seemingly nothing new under the sun to blog about? Once again this past weekend we encountered a vast number of people, this time at the Sheepfair Festival here in Overton. When we run into many who know about our situation there is generally one question that comes up in conversation and it usually arises very quickly. Can you guess what it is? It is 'have you heard anything yet' and the response that we give of no we haven't usually puts a damper on the conversation. In life most things tend to move along at a quick pace whether it is seeking and finding a new job, or deciding to go back to uni and getting involved in the courses, or dating and realizing that he or she is your spouse to be. Of course life does not always move fast though, I know of plenty of people who have been out of work for an age and are still in that status. I've known some who would love to go back to university but can't based on either finance or their situation in life does not warrant that type of commitment. What about the person who seeks a spouse for years and years without this dream becoming reality. Facing a situation that you so desperately would like to see changed but knowing that there is next to nothing you can do to change it is not an easy task. In our case the reality is that we have done all a perspective parent can do, we've done the training, created our profile, been through the rigours of interviews and so on. As I've blogged about in the past we have chosen to adopt, but we cannot adopt a child until we are chosen.
     Does it get tiring answering the same set of questions? Sure it does. This past weekend Rebecca and I were once again reflecting on life, it is good to do that from time to time, and she discovered that this part of our journey is precisely for us as well.

      More than once we've compared ourselves to Abraham and Sarah in the Bible, we didn't leave our land to an unknown land rather one that we knew where we were going. What all we would face in that new land we were quite unclear about, but we did expect a level of safety that Abraham and Sarah probably most certainly did not have. One of the more important or well known facts of their lives was their hearing of God that Abraham would be a father to a nation, a father to the number of stars in the skies. Being childless meant that this prophecy was quite impossible, but alas the Lord had other plans in place. After a waiting period of some 24 years Abraham and Sarah did have a child, well past the time when she should have been able to give birth. Their faith was no doubt tested and grown through this extended waiting period, now we have not been waiting for nearly that long. In fact since being approved it has been about 4 months while they waited 288 months so we've put in 1/72 of the amount of time that they waited. I suppose in that perspective we have much faith to grow. It is true that the best things in life are usually worth waiting for.

July 3rd - The Newsroom and a stopwatch

     It has been a little while since last blogging about our adoption process and a few excuses could be made for this lack of updating on our journey. We could say because we are busy so it has been really hard to find time to write, or that our computer has been in the shop now for 16 days, but these while true are not the real reason. The other night we watched a brand new TV show called 'Newsroom' (Aaron Sorkin's new show, it is fabulous you must check it out) and one of the main points was delivering of the news in a bright accurate, interesting and attention grabbing manner.

I think that is quite possible when dealing with headliners such as an earthquake, hostage situation, important election, kidnapping etc... but it is that feasible when there does not seem to be any news to bring. It's a bit like Seinfeld the show about nothing that was ultimately about relationship, reality of daily life and connected with so many because it wasn't big story after big story. That is the way that our adoption process has been going, not really any news to report, rather it is the reality of everyday life whether involved in a church focused activity, cutting the hedges, making dinner, playing LOTR Risk or playing the guitar. So while we have this huge aspect of our lives bubbling away in the background there is life being lived in the foreground.

     In talking the other day I said it was like adoption was on our hearts but not on our minds. It's hard to gauge how true this actually is. Worry starts to creep in and the thoughts of 'is this for real' 'will we actually be chosen as parents' invade the mind and the resting place of waiting for His timing start to be eroded with our own stopwatch. It is accurate to say that adoption is in our hearts, we long for this to happen in our lives and for friends that we know who are going through the same type of processes to see their dreams realized through adoption. So going back to the news metaphor there really isn't any, doesn't make for the most excitng blog in the world does it? We continue to wait much like we had in previous months, although now maybe more seasoned and measured in our waiting. The old saying good things come to those who wait is accurate, and usually the waiting is an undisclosed amount of time.
     If you are told you'll have to wait for 20 minutes until the table is ready in the restaurant you simply put your name in and either carry on shopping or chatting waiting for the call. If you go up the hostess and she would say your wait would be  5 1/2 hours nary would there be many who stay at that establishment especially if there were others available. But what if that were the only option (I know not an accurate representation of much of the world around us) and there were no other ways to get a meal 5 1/2 hours wouldn't seem so crazy amount of time to wait. We have been told to wait until chosen, whether that is 20 minutes or 5 1/2 hours we don't know, but we do know that having a little life in our care is worth the wait. Much like the Newsroom when there is breaking news we'll be there for you, but until that point we'll carry on delivering the news of waiting and our thoughts/feelings about this amazing journey which we've embarked upon.

June 6th - Categories and Hoops

Our baby Burmese called Nooma

     There have been a number of topics bouncing around in my head lately including how best to deal with Nooma (our new beautiful lilac coloured Burmese kitten - pics to come at some point:) some lyrics for a song, the reality of us being chosen by Christ and also a statement that a speaker called Carl Wills shared with a group of people here in Basingstoke. (A bit theological here if that's ok) He was talking about the word accuser and specifically about accuser of the brethren which is found in Revelation 12:10. I've heard teaching about that verse before but I've not heard the view that the Greek work for accuser means to catergorize or one who catergorizes, big deal right? Think about it? How do you feel when you have been catergorized into something or you are catergorized as something. For many years Rebecca and I were known as 'Earl and Rebecca from Goshen' or 'Youth Leaders from Goshen', these were fine titles as they were true. Yet they did not tell the whole story, we were also Earl from New York, Rebecca born in Oklahoma, accounts payable clerk, EDI Coordinator, Kindergarten Teacher, EASE Faciliatator, and those jobs were just in a span of a couple of years. Of course there are many stories out there which are untold when we are only known as this or that, rather than knowing the whole story of who we are.
     When we are put into a category or when we put others into categories we miss out on something of who they are. Why has this been on my mind, what does this have to do with our adoption journey you might ask. Now we are known as three things, we are Earl and Rebecca leaders of West Church, Earl and Rebecca the Americans in the village and Earl and Rebecca who are adopting. Our 'titles' here don't fully encompass who we are, most people who have only known us here don't know that we've led ministry trips to various countries, that we started dating in Greece, previously had a cat named Cameron and of course numerous other aspects of our lives pre-England.You get used to these titles, as we have done over the last few years.
     The last one is the newest and probably the hardest one for us to reckon with because while we are adopting it has not happened yet. It is difficult to have this be what you are 'known for' and in reality it has not taken place yet. I think that we can handle these titles though, but there are other areas of the adoption journey where categorizing people has struck me as well. In the USA adoption is really an option, you can see it as the word option is embedded in adoption. There are many instances of adoption from newborns all the way to teenagers, from within the country and abroad. There are countless agencies both local, national, government, private, Christian, etc... it is not hard to find one, we are so pleased with the one that we are working with. If a child is adopted there does not seem to be much of a stigma attached, rather there is the reality they are now in a loving family (usually that is) having opportunties that most children are afforded. This seems to be different in the UK from the conversations we've had with people, there is drastically many fewer adoptions that take place. There is an alarming lack of adoption because the system is very cumbersome to work with, there are few private agencies and hoops that one has to jump through would make an adopting family tired from the paperwork alone. Friends of ours who have successfully adopted have waited for years, and another friend ran into more trouble with a straightforward adoption than we would ever dream.. Put another way, adoption is not as much of an option.
     Another group that gets categorized are the women who are giving birth and then 'giving up' their baby. I think that the bravery and generosity they show by going through with the birth, and the placing of their child into the arms of another is flatout remarkable. It is not deserving of being chucked into a category; these might be: often a teenager, unable to cope, bad decision making, unfit mother, on and on with titles that might be given to the young ladies. How about the category of life-giving, brave and loving rather than taking the route of abortion or even the route of attempting to raise the child without the resouces that are needed for the long haul. These women are often not praised for their actions, probably scorned and shamed to some extent but they are the ones who carry on with giving-life to their baby and offering unending possibility to these same little ones. We look forward to the day when our little baby is not categorized by anything but being a Robinson, I'm sure other categories could be found but that one sounds like it's perfect.

May 27th - Enjoy the view!

     If you've ever been on a journey/trip probably the most common question asked by a young child or even an adult for that matter is "How much longer?"  If we are going to a destination we have an idea of the length of the journey.  Sure, situations can change that; a flat tire, an accident, a snow storm but we do know how long in normal conditions we will need to wait until we reach our destination.

Recently we have been using a gps/sat nav a few times as we have gone places.  They are interestingly little machines that often have a mind of their own as we recently discovered whilst driving the wrong way down a one way street in the middle of a big city, but that's another story....  Moving swiftly on, the great thing about these clever little devices is that they tell you how long you will be on that road before moving to the next, how many miles left to travel, as well as approximately how many minutes until you hear the welcome words, "You have reached your destination."  The whole system is down to a science and unless an unexpected circumstance occurs the whole journey is quite prescribed.
The thing is though that life isn't always like that and the length of waiting isn't always known.  Can you imagine getting in a car to go somewhere and not knowing if you will arrive in 10 minutes or 24 hours or even a few weeks?  How do you prepare?  What do you wear?  Do you take your ipod or food for the journey?  It's nearly impossible to plan.
It seems this is the world that Earl and I have found ourselves in.  I've waited for many things over the years, waited for graduation day, for special trips to visit friends, for my wedding day, etc. etc.  All of these waiting periods had quite a bit of definition around them but this, this is so very, very different.  Recently someone came up to me that had been praying for me and shared something with me.  They felt God had told them to share with me that the road was difficult because I didn't know the length of the road that I was travelling on but that it was important that I enjoy the view!

I really love that perspective but how do you enjoy the view on a journey that could be extremely short or extremely long.  The answers are not obvious but I have come to a few conclusions.  First of all, I have had to rest in the fact that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make this process go faster.  We are approved and we wait to be chosen.  That's it, my job is to wait.  Also, I am enjoying the view.  Life is good and even though it will change drastically at some point I trust that God will show me how to cope with those changes.  But for now I am not focusing on what will be but what is.  I am enjoying life with my amazing husband of nearly 16 years, loving our new home that we share with our dear friend Lizzie who is a sister to both of us, leading West Basingstoke Community church that has some of the most caring, generous, and Godly people I know, and just taking each day as a new adventure.  Life here in England is far from boring and I don't want to miss it simply waiting to hear the words, "You have reached your destination."

The link below is 'Never Once' by Matt Redman, it is one that has spoken to us recently

May 17th - Phone conversations and more

 Rebecca's conversation between her and a delightful little 6 year old:

Child:  "So, when are you going to South Africa to get your baby?  It is South Africa right?"

Me: "Close, it's America."

Child:  "Ok, so when are you getting your baby?"

Me: "When they call us and tell us then we will get our baby.  We are just waiting for the phone to ring."

Child:  "So, when they call you, then you will have your baby?"

Me:  "Yes, but how old are you?"

Child:  "I'm 6!"

Me:  "Ok, well, it might happen when you are 6 or it might happen when you are 7, we just don't know."

Child:  "Ok, but I think it will happen when I am 6 because I will be 6 for a long time!"

Me:  " I hope it happens when you are 6 too, but I will tell you when it happens, we just have to wait for the phone to ring."

     I'll bet if you think about it you can remember times when you've been seated by the phone or had your mobile in your hand just waiting for that call. I can remember when I was going to get a phone call from an elementary school that I was hoping to work for and the expectation of the ring superceded almost everything else. I also remember back when I was 17 and excited about getting a first real job and expecting Pizza Hut to call to say whether or not I was going to be part of the team of making pizzas and pastas. Those are decent examples but in all reality the phone was going to ring soon enough with the answers to my employment questions on the other end of the line. For us presently we know that there is a phone call or email out there at some point which will most likely be very life-changing but the fact is we don't know when this important call may come.
     As you can imagine the question that we now face almost daily is 'do you know when you get a baby' and of course answering this almost daily can be a bit of a drain. With the adoption not happening until the timing is right we have no choice but to carry on living our daily lives. It's like this, when I get up in the morning I tend to think about eating breakfast, taking a shower, looking to see how the Rangers did in the previous nights ballgame, thinking through what I need to before going out, and checking email to see if there are any pressing issues. I don't immediatley run to the phone, sit down next to it and wait for a call from the agency in America. If that were all there was daily then that would drive us to craziness, but alas there is so much more in our lives than the adoption process which we have entered and have gotten well past the starting gate. There is the reality of leading the West Region of Basingstoke Community Churches, there are village relationships and activities, there is sharing our house/life with Lizzie, there is our wide range of relationships in America that we value, etc... so there is more to do daily than wait by the phone.

not my daily life but an example of a daily life

     What a blessing that while we wait in faith we are encountering many other opportunties to see God at work in our daily lives. Since our lives are about being and not just off doing this and doing that I think that we are able to keep this balance of waiting while going about daily living in a healthy balance.

May 3rd - The keyword is sacrifice

     There a number of words that come up often when helping lead a church, some of them are grace, salvation, love, the cross, sacrifice, freedom etc and the word that I want to hone in on for this blog enrtry is sacrifice. It has been on my mind much lately, I've had quite a few people mention that what we are doing with adoption is a sacrifice. I like to think that the whole of our lives are sacrifice, simply being willing to give away and lay down what we have. Sure there are sacrifices with something like adoption, time, money, emotion but surely that is all worth it, it is worth having on the block  or laying on the altar.
     So far in this journey we have had to 'sacrifice' some of our time including a month in the US, well that was a great time not exactly something where we felt a huge loss as you would when giving something up. There has been cost and there will be much more to come as the adoption goes through but what better way to spend the money that we have saved and planned for over the years? Ya we could go out and use money on an extravagant vacation, or buy a nicer car or various other purchases but why not use our finance on something as special as life. There has definetely been emotion sacrificed but again it has been worth it, to share in the joys of new relationships we've built through this process, to be able tell stories of how God has set up various aspects of our trip and organizing the whole process. We have had some downs as well as ups, but that is reality, it's not all peaches and cream as they say. So for us there is sacrifice but we are more than willing and ready to offer what we have in all the various ways written about before. I'd rather look at other sacrifices that take place through the adoption process.
     I cannot imagine what the feeling must be for a mother who has carried a life for up to 9 months and then after a couple of days this life is given to another family. An attachment that took around 3/4 of a year is physically severed and emotionally changed over the course of a couple of days after birth. This to me is huge sacrifice to be willing to carry this life, go through the trials of pregnancy, the pain of birth all with the plan of then 'sacrificing' this child in the way of giving he or she to another. What a bold statement, rather than taking the 'easy road' of abortion the mother fully gives life to the little one in the womb. We look with a steady gaze at the day when we adopt, when we hold the one given to us by both God and the brave lady who went through it all, not for her but for another. We look to that day, for now we wait until that lady makes contact with the agency and with us about the life that she would like to offer to us.

Have a listen to 'Worth it All' by Rita Springer