A book is coming!

It has been ages since I've blogged, not written but blogged. The goal of earlrebeccaera was never a family blog, a how to do family and what we did on the weekend kind of thing. Rather it was to be a place to honestly write about our adoption process, for me to process and to hopefully encourage many others around the world who are going through and have gone through the same kind of experiences. Somewhere along the way I had the idea of turning the blog into a book along with thoughts on family from the Bible.

I have worked much on this idea and at this point it is getting close to being realised. Is it the blog? not exactly there is some of the blog in it, some thoughts on what I had written along with stories of family from the Bible like Moses, Esther, Ruth to name a few, all characters who is some way were adopted. The book 'our road to adoption' still has a ways to go, chiefly a bulk of the editing process, but a cover is complete and many other decisions of how to market and where to buy it. It will be available on Amazon Kindle and hard copy so it can be purchased anywhere in the world. Below you'll see the cover, watch this space or my author page on facebook at

https://www.facebook.com/ourroadtoadoption/#

So please follow along at the above and be on the lookout for this title in the future.

The Final Chapter - 17th June

     The aim of this blog was always to share our story; as with all stories they must come to an end. I have thought long and hard over the last few months as to what will I write when the final blog entry is made? I can't say that I ever came up with the perfect way to wrap up a journey which began in September of 2011. It is a tall task to bring to closure something which has been so open for a while, the seemingly ongoing process of being interviewed, approved, interviewed some more, more approvals, waiting, waiting some more, matching, more approvals, etc...  If you have followed along you know the drill, BUT through it all we knew, we knew this was not only our desire it was the plan of the Lord for us to walk this journey. We are so thankful to Jesus that He has chosen us and built our faith as we carried on in this process.

     I'll tell ya what we have not walked alone, never have we felt more of an entourage than when going through this process. Our church family has been amazing, whether that be supporting us in prayer, doing practicals, simply hanging out and providing some distraction and ultimately totally accepting our girls as an integral part of the church. They love going along, they love being held by various people, they love dancing to the music, they love going out with the other little ones, it is another place of safety and home for them. How we could have done this without such a caring church is a question we've not had to answer.

     Our family has been wonderful, it's not easy getting to know 2 little girls over SKYPE especially when about 10 minutes is the max for any semi-inteliglible conversation but that getting to know them is exactly what Grandma and Granny have done. It was great spending such quality time with both in the USA on our trip in April. Beyond G and G we also were able to introduce the girls to wider family like Aunts, Uncles and cousins, we don't have many since we come from small families but they know who their family is, even if thousands of miles away. They also have built many great memories with our friends in Indiana. Next time we visit will not seem so foreign to them, they've been there and done that.

     We have entered the delightful space of children's parties, playgroups, nursery and playdates. It's all fun, and getting to know so many new wonderful people has been a real life-giving aspect of it all. it's weird to not fit in, I'm sure you've been there, but what a feeling to fit in, and we're now right in the centre of parenthood and hanging out with other mom's and dad's. Sharing stories, ideas and invites to this and that. School starts soon, another girl going to nursery starts soon, it feels like we are blazing through the stages, but we are attempting to savour each and every day.
 
     There are some really significant people in the girls's lives, one of them is Aunty Lizzie. Hard to believe that we have shared a house together for nearly 6 years now. We've lived in three different houses and created home, now we share a home together with two little ones who love to curl up and watch a nightly video before bath, who enjoy going to the allottment and wandering into Aunty Lizzie's bedroom on Saturday mornings.
 
     We also need to give a shout out to our two social workers L and L. We started with one who expertly walked us through the home study/interview process up to the panel. Then after she left on maternity leave we had another wonderful worker who walked us through matching, another panel and visits to see the girls and encourage us. They have been great to work with, and we have much respect for the work that PACT does. (Parents and Children Together)

     I've always thought of this journey metaphorically as a cycle race like the Tour De France, sometimes pedaling so quickly to make up time, sometimes seemingly struggling to pedal up a hill, and other times keeping a regular pace to stay with the pack. Now it feels like that tour is over, instead of a grueling race with many stops and starts, we're actually out on a family bike ride through the country side. No urgency, not really a route plan, rather enjoying the view and stopping along the way to relax in the meadow or even have a picnic by the road. Maybe we should go for a family ride someday, let's wait till the girls can ride a bike.

     Blessings to you all, whether you've followed our journey from the beginning or have read this as a first taste, it has been great to share our story and encouragement along the way. I want to end by stating once again the truth of Psalms 68:6 that God truly does set the lonely in families.

7th-9th November - A teacher's perspective, a dad's perspective

Myself and Rebecca were both teachers, and we absolutely loved it. There was loads of time spent with kids, teaching them how to read, add numbers, write sentences and learning about the world around them. They were glorious times, many years put in the classroom with loads of memories of students and teachers alike. As the leaders in the classroom we used to have parent/teacher evenings which were really insightful into 'why he does that' or 'why does she say that'. In those meetings we'd discuss how their child was learning and also behaving. It's amazing how often the abilities and behaviours of the child at school did not mirror the child at home according to the parents.

Sometimes it was a case of  'he never does that at home' or 'I can't believe she does that at school' the point is so much of what happens in a child's life happens at home. This seems really basic and obvious but as teachers we never saw what happened at home or what home was like. We were a couple who were around kids constantly but in the controlled sphere of the school not the freedom of the home. My how wonderful it is to see from the parental perspective. We have been making a couple of visits to local nurseries (preschools for Americans) and it is fascinating to ask questions, to observe behaviours of the kids and look through the lens of our daughter not the instructor who is over the whole room.

Being the parents means some really great things; we get to read books at home, lots of books and there are no assessments attached to them. We read the books because we want to, it's not part of the lesson plan or learning objectives.  If we want to break for a snack no troubles, it's our call. Usually by the time kids arrive at school they are already speaking if not writing and reading. We are so blessed to have our youngest just getting into the art of oration, so far she has mastered 'nice', 'up', 'no', and 'again'. Just that bit of vocabulary will get her a ways in life. Seeing that she added 3 out of 4 this week who knows what all will come out of her mouth in a month's time.

Take learning to walk for example, when kids get to school they are walking, in fact most have been striding for years at that point. Part of our first couple of months together has been the combined joy and struggle of our youngest learning to walk.

First it was cautious gliding from chair to chair and hoping to catch hold of something before falling over. Then it was on to no hands down the hallway, but still only crawl when outdoors. Before you knew it we were on to attempting the stairs (haven't mastered that yet) trying to run and freely walking, you name the surface it doesn't matter. These are treasured moments that as mom and dad we are experiencing, it is a whole new perspective.

Yesterday we were going through a book about numbers, how interesting it is to be on the ground floor of the language of mathematics. The realisation that 1 and 2 are brand new and not just a given, recoginising that 2 is more than 1 is a breakthrough in understanding. It seems elementary but it's actually learned sooner than elementary, it's something that is usually grasped in the home and we are happy to be there to be catching it all. As we carried on through the book the attention span wavered as the numbers 7,8,9 and so on were introduced.  For now we'll stick to 1,2,3 and allow the nursery workers and teachers to help with mastery of the others.We are so blessed to have this perspective now, and to think that we'll be looking at life through the eyes of the girls and us as parents for many, many years.

5th October - 'They're my people'

    'They're my people', they sure are! Out of the mouth of babes as they say.  The other day when we showed the girls a DVD of a church gathering and of our church family our oldest exclaimed after watching it 'they're my people'. Today was a highlight, a real monumental day for our family. At just a bit past ten we walked as a family into the hall where our Sunday morning church gathering was taking place. This is something that we have planned on doing a few weeks after having the girls, it's also something that we have hoped to do for years. In so many ways the girls being with Rebecca and I today at church was so much more than a family coming together to a meeting.

     It was about realised hopes and dreams, ones that we have carried for many years and the church family have carried with us for close to three  years. It's hard to believe that almost three years ago on a November morning where the meeting was given over to sharing thanksgiving that we 'broke' the news we were going to adopt. Little did we know that the news was more of an invitation to the church body to join our journey than just another announcement. We couldn't have predicted at the time how many ups and downs we'd walk through, but along the way they were there walking them with us.

  Seeing the smiles on their faces was priceless; whether that be as the girls met new people, saw some friends they have made, dug into the toybox with a plethora of new playing options or when they joined in the sung worship waving flags. Seeing the smiles on their faces was priceless, as our friends met our daughters, as they danced together, played together. The huge grins as our youngest came up to me and said daddy while I was preaching, then put her arms up to be held. I had a point to make and then ask the tables to discuss. It was great timing as we could then hang out a bit before going back into the story.
  
      Wouldn't you know it, I was once again preaching on Abraham, not the first time, and most certainly not the last. Speaking about how one of God's names is Jehovah Jireh meaning 'The Lord Will Provide'. Abraham knew this provision, he knew the promises of God, had waited and had seen the Lord come through time after time. This story was about how God provided the ram for a sacrifice after Abraham was willing to sacrifice his own son. Of course Abraham did not have to since God provided a ram instead, he knew all along that God would provide. Rebecca and I have experienced the provision of God time after time too, whether it be housing, finance or now the desire to adopt. The Bible speaks of putting the lonely in families, about family, having the little ones come unto Him. It is such a joy to see all of this happening before our very eyes. How exhilarating today to be holding our youngest as I carried on preaching from Genesis 22 until she was ready to move on and sit with somebody else.
  
     We so look forward to many great times with our church family singing, learning Bible stories, doing crafts and enjoying time together. What a blessing they have been to stand with us and now to enjoy the fruits of their prayer and support. The title for this entry comes from our oldest who after watching a DVD we created showing some of the people and what a Sunday morning meeting was like said to Rebecca 'they're my people'. She was right, whether she really knew what she was saying or not, they are her people, we are all God's people and are so happy to have such a great church family to be called to be part of and lead.

22nd Sept - Through Their Eyes

     Shared experiences is what really makes memories, we all have scores of memories from our past, how many of yours include only you? Sure we've all had special times on our own but most likely your fondest memories include other people too, whether that be family members, friends, co-workers etc...

     Memories are made when we share an experience, I was reminded of this yesterday when Rebecca and I were pushing our girls in side-by-side swings at a park in a town we were strolling through. She said, 'it's great to look through their eyes' that statement struck me. We have been to numerous towns, villages and cities and now with two little ones who we are either pushing, carrying, holding the hand of or attempting to corral going to these places is a whole new experience. Sure we have had a wonderful time together but for 17 years it was her and I, of course friends too but often on our own traversing through shops, getting a drink at a cafe, and visiting touristy sites. Now that has all changed.

     We still love popping into shops, having a browse around although much of what we see are ideas of what our oldest would like to have or what our youngest has picked up off a shop shelf and is now playing with in her buggy. If we are shopping for household goods its a brief glance as we swiftly move to the next aisle since the girls are quite uninterested in the colour of a basket or which brand of toothpaste we should get. Shopping has taken on a different perspective, one that is through their eyes, what might they like, which cartoon themed yoghurt would be best, what colour hair barettes, these are not an issue that we've faced before.

     It is really exciting to see through their eyes, practically everything is new. Whether that be the surprise of the rushing river yesterday along the path we walked or the numerous dogs we passed each one drawing a 'woof woof' from our youngest. Would I normally notice the difference in the speed of the water or the fact another dog trotted our way probably not, but yesterday I did. Would we take note of the colour of the leaves on the many trees as we stopped for a short snack. Would we stop for a short snack or just eat while we went? Would we take the time to gaze at the vegetation around us, for that matter would we even go on that walk, maybe not. We find ourselves heading to parks, on walks, watching children's DVD's, and building dog parks and cat houses out of duplo, to be honest they look the same to us but not them.

     Have you tried watching a film like Underdog or the Lady and Tramp with a three year old, they find 'scary' parts that wouldn't even make me flinch. They can see aspects of characters that we are invisible to us. Right now I'm looking over at our youngest who's trapesing around our front room with sunglasses on just because they were they to be picked up. All the while attempting with everything within her abilities to press any key on the computer. What does she see through her eyes? A darkened room surely, but also a room full of endless possibilities. Just to keep you abreast of what is going on she is now poking me in the eye with a Tombliboo (character from In the Night Garden), do you know how hard it is to type with a 17 month old cradled in your arms while she pokes you in the eye?

     Their eyes see much more than ours do, in our front room we see a huge pile of toys. What do they see, a never-ending well of playing with this and picking up that, dropping a plastic horse to pick up a book or a pretend stethoscope. One minute playing doctor, the next watching a DVD, then peekaboo and to finish off the five minutes an attempt at putting on a shoe. So much of what they see is new, it needs to be explored and handled. Imagine if we took time to explore what we saw around us, if I picked up the newspaper and made myself aware of the days news, or if I read that book I have been intending to read.

Speaking of new, each night we read a couple of stories followed by stories from our children's Bibles. All of the amazing stories from Adam and Eve, Abraham, Moses, Daniel to Jesus they are all new, from creation to the flood, Jonah in the whale to the Christmas story. What do they see in these stories? From the looks on their eyes wonderment and interest. I remember being a little boy and hearing the extraordinary stories read to me by my dad before bed or the miraculous stories of missionaries from the around the world at children's church. It's amazing how quickly children pick up on the stories of the Bible and the power of the gospel. What a treasure it is to finish off our days by praying together right before going to bed. I think that Rebecca and I are learning more about everything around us as we look through their eyes.

10th Sept - What I like about you

I know that the Romantics originally thought about what they liked, but I've been doing it too. What I like about you, that's a great thing to think about concerning anybody. Having that train of thought for our daughters, it's simply not a difficult task. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about a few of our favourite things, this time a different song parody, it's just some of the things we like about you...

seeing the concentration in your furled eyebrows during the relentless pursuit of connecting the clasp of a strap

hearing the invitation 'come out here daddy' to join the girls in the playhouse in the garden

your smiles

after mommy finishes praying when you ask me to pray before going to sleep

the creative imagination that we see brimming each day

how peacefully you lay down for an afternoon nap (at the same time which is great for us:)

just hanging out at the top of the slide at the park and shooting the breeze

the excitement when you've walked, up to 8 steps at a time

you love books, whether they be small, board, stories or info it's all interesting to you

the squeals of joy as we traversed through Peppa Pig World

there's way more that we could pen but ultimately

you are both

2nd September - A Little Window (Normal Life)

     To some normalcy might be boring, to others it is just what the doctor orders each day. One thing I've said to many people and we've said to ourselves was that we'll be finding a new normal, but we don't know what that will be. For those of you that really like lists, order and procedures then I predict you'll totally enjoy this entry. For those of you who are more abstract thinking, random and couldn't care less about the details of daily life than I'm afraid you might be bored, but I'll leave that up to you.
     Yesterday marked the fortnight anniversary of the girls being with us since the handover. In some respects it feels like time has flown by, but then we look and see it's only been 14 days. Family goes on, being a family is not just a getaway which ends or even a school year which seems long but is over by July. This is life, it's not a segue or a long-term babysitting job for a friend, this is life. This is our family, each day up and at 'em by around 6:30ish (hopefully not earlier than that:) and then hanging out a bit with either a short video, books, numerous stuffed toys then onto eating breakfast, getting dressed, maybe going out, certainly playing some more and then before you know it it's lunch time. Hard to believe that 6:30-12:00 can go so quickly, but the clock doesn't lie.

   Nap time, it's a win-win for all parties involved. The girls need it, we need it, not that I always take a nap but from time-to-time I do snooze at that point. It gives us a chance to take care of some phone calls, put out washing, tidy up the kitchen, eat our own lunch and most importantly recharge. That might be in the form of surfing the net, playing a game together, and simply hanging out. It does seem as though the clock lies during this time though, it does seem to fly by and before we know the girls have emerged from their afternoon slumber. Usually full of gusto, not always but often ready to tackle the world. This is the best time for our youngest to work on walking around the house and to work on wearing her glasses, as you can imagine being 17 months she is not a big fan of having something placed on her little face that she is not supposed to touch.

     We've settled into quite a consistent routine, I assume this is because we both understand the value of routine and having ways of doing things. I'm not convinced we'll be able to keep to these as stringent as we presently are but during this special time of bonding it is fabulous to have these procedures built into our lives. So after waking up there is often a snack, generally a trip to a local park, feed the ducks, drop into the shops, play some more whether that be indoors or outdoors. Somewhere in there Auntie Lizzie gets home from work and joins in the fun of whatever is going on at the time. Once 5:00 rolls around everyone starts getting antsy for dinner, requests for snacks, juice etc... heighten and table/food preparation kicks into full gear so that by 5:30 we're all seated at the table for a family meal together. This is an important aspect of our daily lives and even in the hustle and bustle of life we hope to keep this paramount in our house.

     Once dinner is over it's our family time watching a video on the big screen, for a couple of weeks it's been Paw Patrol, I'm sure that will change soon to some other hotshot cartoon but for now we enjoy an episode together. From there it's clean-up time, that might be the living room, front room or bedroom or all of the above. It depends on where, when and how many toys/books were dragged out from their respective box, basket or shelf. This time flies by and after getting upstairs the bubbly bath is already drawn and ready to jumped into. It must be a real treasure to relax in the bath right before each night, talk about winding down. After getting on night clothes on it's time for a story or two followed by a Bible story and praying together. From there goodnight kisses are given and both girls are safely tucked into their nest. What follows is a couple hours of adult time and solitude until 6:30 am the next morning rolls around.

     Our lives are not like they have been for the last umpteen years but as I told a friend this week I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm sure by the time some of you read this post our routines and timings will have changed but that's OK, people change, little ones grow up, they grow out of shoes and clothes and even start eating green stuff eventually. We're up for it all and look forward to many days together in the future, but we're definitely making memories and
savouring the moments of today. 

26th August - A few of my favourite things

It has been nearly a week since we've all been home, simply being home with no deadlines, meetings, places we have to be or things we need to do. While Julie Andrews has a few of her own favourite things, she's not the only one who's created a list.
Have a perusal of ours, this is just from a few days together as a family sorry it's not quite as sing songy as the original...

feeling the quiet breath in my ear as I carry our youngest downstairs first thing in the morning after she has woken up bright and cheerful

hearing 'woof woof'  in a slightly sinister voice when we see a dog whether it's the Butler Bulldog on my shirt or a picture in a book

reading books, so many books, two book baskets already with another on the way

the big smile after giving affirmation for a job well done

utter determination, seen again today in the striding across the room for the first time (6:15pm on the 25th August not that we were keeping record)

hearing 'daddy' and the pitter patter of feet coming my way

If there is a clasp or anything to clip, it will be clasped or clipped no matter how long the struggle may continue for, only the high chair has not been defeated

unexpected bliss of two napping girls in the middle of the day 

no fear in meeting animals whether that be Nooma day in and day out, or our visit with Oscar and Sushi

midday jaunts to the Co-op, it's only a three minute but fun to get out for at least a bit

realising that we said the other night 'the kids are upstairs sleeping' it's a small statement with huge significance

the interesting contents of our 'tea' created in the wendy house

becoming a big fan of Paw Patrol, my personal favourite is Zuma

bathtime followed by storytime followed by bedtime followed by our collective ahhhhh

I'm sure there will plenty of other things to add to our list but for now this will do. We are so thankful to the Lord each and every day for our girls and living together as a family. 

19th-20th August - The 'handover' is complete!

19th - Completeness is an accomplishment, we've all done it. You've no doubt had a daunting project, a looming deadline or a seemingly unclimbable mountain to ascend. That's a bit of what the adoption journey has felt like for with the last couple of weeks being the penultimate push to the summit. There is one more action to take to reach the pinnacle (a court celebration where they become Robinson's legally) but that is down the road a few months. For now we'll enjoy this view. This evening it is one from our home, while Rebecca and I sit downstairs on our computers for the first time in our house our girls sleep peacefully upstairs.

x2 in our case:)

That is weird to say as we've never said it before, never before have we been downstairs while precious ones sleep upstairs. The introductions have gone well and the last step of the introductions is the handover. This is essentially when the foster carers say goodbye, we all bundle in the car and drive home for good. That all happened this morning, today was not easy as you can imagine. There is much emotion tied up within everyone involved. There has been some crying, wimpering and general frustration. Is this unexpected? Not at all. This is not just a slight change, this is life change, change for good and for the good. The girls (we are withholding names and pics until court celebration) have had an amazing experience at their carers house and we have learned many valuable lessons from them over the last couple of weeks. It's now up to us, whether that be day to day actions like feeding, changing, bathing or long-term things like healthcare and going to school.

20th - Folgers coffee used to have the tagline 'the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup', I don't agree with that. As much as I might enjoy a cup of joe, the best of waking up today was not coffee in my cup but two little ones coming into our room. The youngest one who was crying when she awoke was brought in by Rebecca and then a minute later the older  crawled into our bed as well. What a way to wake up! This after a great night of rest, that's right they both slept all night in their new beds and new home on the first night ever sleeping here. I know I've said it before but it's the little things that are the most entertaining, whether it be sharing breakfast together, reading books or seeing the excitement on their little faces when we do something fun.

Because so much of what we have around here is new to them it is great finding creative activities and unread books which quickly become favourites in our library. We already have two book baskets going, we're both ex elementary teachers what can we say:) Today was also our first trip out, all the way to the park which is about a 1 minute walk as the crow flies just up the road from our house. We've wondered what will the new normal look and feel like, we're not sure and believe me we aren't there yet, and probably won't be for quite sometime. There is way too much new and exciting to find a definite pattern to each day, every one full of unique adventures and discoveries.

15th-16th August - Home again for the first time

fri. am - Home is where we dwell, it's a place of comfort, it's a place of known. How often do you walk into a building attempting to grasp where is a toilet, or what floor is the office on? In a shopping mall or amusement park it might even take a map to figure it all out, where the exits are and the shops you are most interested in finding.

At home that's not true, it's known, you don't have to familiarise yourself with the surroundings. Today we drive back home, except on this occasion it will be different. There will be a room that is a new colour, it will have newly hung blinds, pics on the wall, two little beds ready for little girls.

For us going back home is a welcome occasion, we've had an amazing time in introductions, getting to see and understand routines, trips to appointments, to the shops, and out for fun to the park and even an aquarium. For Rebecca and I the drive home will be a time to reflect upon this week and certainly to look forward to the coming days, months and years. It dawned on me again yesterday while driving that we weren't babysitting for friends of ours, sure that's fun to do but this is so totally different.

looking at the glass above the doors of the girls room, thanks Aunty Lizzie :)

fri. pm - Excitement to say the least hit us as we got closer to home, that final stretch seemed longer than normal somehow. Not only were we glad to get back to see Lizzie, Nooma, to unpack, catch our breath and we were also going to see the girls's bedroom. We had great reason to believe that it would be amazing, with Lizzie's, Louise's and Carol's talents all on display. Walking in the room was an experience to remember, seeing the decal of 1 Samuel 1:27 above the room, the multi-coloured painted hot air balloons and fluffy white clouds on the wall, along with bespoke fairy lights and bedding. It's a real dream-room for the girls to call their own and begin life here with us.

sat am. - Today has been all about last minute preparation. Whether it be putting a couple things in the loft, finding a home for this toy or that stuffed animal, putting up stair gates and safety locks on drawers. The home has been a hive of activity, all for two little lovely ladies. They are too are excited to be coming 'home' (they don't know it as home yet)

Imagine if you were going to a new home, one that was not known. If this was your third home this year, if you did not know the comforts where you presently live. For children in care they often are coming from difficult home situations where it doesn't feel like home, home is not where the heart is. In fact it is usually quite the opposite, it is a place of struggle, with bad or scary memories and associations. Home may not be seen as a place of comfort, fun and security, now imagine if you were coming into another new home.

sat pm. - Today they came home for the first time (cue tears), seeing their smiling faces when they recoginsed a toy or book was priceless. Hearing the excitement when they found a new toy or book. Again hearing and seeing the excitement as we all trailed upstairs to their room, their beds, their stuffed toys, their room in their home. They don't sleep here for a couple more nights, but soon enough a new home will be a new normal. Can't wait to see what the next couple of days has in store for us all, there will be no doubt be much more new whether that be the garden, park, nap time or bath time, Are we all blessed or what!