Another conversation on the green couch - April 11th

     Another month and a half flew by, and we had much encouraging news with the church from salvations, new people, new logo, new name and a potential new facility. All of this was bubbling away around us, it is what we do day in and day out so to have so many encouraging stories almost caused us to fly along on auto-pilot with the adoption. The update had been completed, our taxes had been submitted and the admin side of things was sorted (for now at least) When we came to a Thursday we sighed deeply, it's our day off and the worries/tasks of leading the church take a backseat while we relax, go shopping, out to eat and generally enjoy each other's company. Also on these days is when we usually have some honest conversation about life, often mixed around games of Ticket to Ride and coffee in the red room. On this Thursday Rebecca just came right out and said it.

'We're not going to adopt from the agency in America,  I don't think it's going to happen'

     I've learned to accept, trust and follow Rebecca's hunches and I agreed with her that I didn't think it would happen either. It was a bit of a surreal conversation as something that we have desired, fought for, spent money, time and unaccounted emotion for now seemed to be out of our grasp. It reminds me of something either dropped in water or hit into water that is just beyond your reach and slowly it drifts away or down stream. If it is a stream then there is that possibility the object may drift back toward shore or get stopped on a rock where it could be reached by a stick or by the hand. That's the way our process has felt, it was out of grasp again but we definitely felt that further down the metaphorical stream it would come back into reach. The truth of the analogy is the reality of the lack of control that we have, the stream is in control. For our process our Heavenly Father is in control and only He can orchestrate how, who, when, where and numerous other questions which we are unable to answer.

     Having this type of conversation you might expect would be deflating, depressing, the kind that takes the wind out of your sails. For us it was different, it was relief, no longer did we have to hold onto fading hope almost fooling ourselves. Rather we could get up brush ourselves off and get back on the horse. Honesty is the best policy and for us it was very liberating to be brutally honest about where we were both thinking individually.

Homestudy Call - February 25th

     It had been an important weekend with the power of the conference and the rekindling of many friendships and all to be topped off with our planned Skype call on the Monday night. We were admittedly nervous not knowing exactly the way forward but were resting in peace about our newly formed visa decision. During our call we had a pleasant discussion, a nice catch up, some laughs and after the formal part our advisor asked if we had any other questions. Just one huge one... would our new visa disqualify us from using the agency and cancel our possibility of adopting? This was no light weight question rather one that could be the fulcrum of our on-going adoption process.
     We were taken aback, no shocked at the response given. We were told we could change our status here in the UK and they could simply shift our status there (Indiana) to be an American couple living abroad and internationally adopting from the US. Again that is not the norm for international adoptions but as stated many times before on this blog we're not considered the norm. It's not that abnormal for an American couple to adopt from abroad, but an American couple living abroad but actually adopting from America seems almost backward. At that moment it was our only choice that is until we found out more information. This process is a bit like being a sleuth, the clues are there, the solution is there but we've had to sniff them out over the years. The Skype conversation ended with smiles, a prayer and what looked like a clear path forward.

ILR - Feb 21st - Feb 24th

     One of the perks and highlights of leading a church is the opportunity to attend leaders conferences from time to time. Going away for a weekend where we'd most likely encounter some awkward chats about how we are waiting and haven't heard anything yet. At this point at least we knew were not headed to the US just for meetings, we were still itching to go but for the much more substantial reason of an actual adoption not more conversations about how one could or might happen.
     We were excited as on this occasion we'd be staying with our dear friends Jonny and Beth in their new home in Middlesbrough. After the long drive we were happy to sit back and catch up with them over a drink. Of course we talked about our work situations, what we've been up to and our news with adoption. Later on that evening we had another late night chat after the first meeting of the conference and I don't remember much of what was said but I do remember Beth saying

'Indefinite leave to remain, that's important, look into it'

Some explanation is probably needed here, it's not like that statement is as famous as 'one small step for man one huge step for mankind, or I have a dream that one day...' The words about indefinite leave to remain probably don't mean a great deal if anything to you. To us those words meant a possible massive shift in our thinking and after she uttered those words my eyes locked with Rebecca almost as if saying 'let's make sure we talk about that later.' Indefinite leave to remain is the next level of visa that we allowed to pursue, it is only available  residents who have been continuously living in the UK for five years. (it's not citizenship, it is a level just beneath it) We had decided that we would not, could not apply for this status, it would effectively close the door on adoption in the US and the UK too since we couldn't use the system in this country. Little did we know that her statement would start us down the path of not only changing our minds but radically changing our plans.

     The conference was entitled 'Momentum' and one of the areas of living out faith that is gaining momentum among Christ followers is adoption. Numerous speakers shared stories of couples adopting, or of a whole church fostering and adopting every child in their council. That meant that the council where they lived had no children available to adopt, the people in the church had already spoken for each one, giving each one a home to be raised in, all the children under the collective wing of the church. Another guy spoke about how he and his wife have fostered and adopted along with having natural children as well. He also stated that he was going to host a special lunch for people who would like to learn more about adoption in this country. I had a previous meeting planned but Rebecca was free and eager to attend. What would she find out? Would it be more good news, possible open-doors that we had not walked through before?
     The last meeting of the conference we both found ourselves responding to the message entitled 'The Inconvenience of Obedience'. The call was for people who were willing to move anywhere in the UK for the sake of the gospel of God. Why were we responding? We both didn't understand but in unison we made the short walk to the front to join the many others who were kneeling and offering themselves to God as willing to go. We couldn't go, our visa states specifically that I can only work for BCC's, moving is not an option. At no point in our lives here in the UK had we so unequivocally, absolutely drawn a line in the sand that this is where we live and where God has called us to long term. The two of us going forward that morning was our statement, our expression physically of where we stood with God and ourselves. It also cemented the idea that the ILR status was our next step and something that was indeed worth looking into.

HomeStudy ? - February 1st

    SKYPE is an amazing tool, I hardly if ever use it but none the less it is fantastic, it is the Jetson's in our lifetime where Spacely calls George at home to not only talk to him but to see him as well.

The adoption process has many meetings associated with it, the most robust and important of these is the homestudy. This is essentially a study of you, you as potential parents and how you live/interact at home. It is also a study of your home, is it a suitable place to raise children, is it safe etc... Doing our original homestudy was interesting as we were housesitting at the time, so we would never 'live' there again, yet the homestudy was able to take place there. At this juncture we were facing a homestudy update which traditionally takes place in the home. Rebecca and I have always been told we are outside of the box and the adoption agency has looked at our situation as one which stretching the boundaries and existing outside the box labelled staightforward.
     I don't remember when we hatched the idea of our homestudy being done via SKYPE but wow! did it make sense especially for logistical reasons. Friday the 1st of Feb was when we spoke with our adoption specialist, after the usual greetings and short updates on life we floated our idea. The rest of the conversation took a turn as most of the planned questions of meeting dates, locations etc... would be rendered pointless if we never left Britain to update our file in Indiana.

     We were told by our advisor that she needed to talk with her managers and see what the ruling would be. To not make the trip back to Indiana would save us much money and since we hadn't planned the trip we also did not have a place to stay, a car to drive or our ducks in a row from a church organizational perspective. As with other aspects of this winding road known as the adoption process we would have to carry on waiting, this time for a response to our unique query.
     Fast-forward about a week or so and I heard Rebecca race up the stairs, this either means extremely good or extremely bad news. On this occasion her beaming radiance indicated that the news she was delivering was positive and indeed it was! The email gave clearance for the SKYPE call, and to our simply posting the required documents for our update, not a difficult trip back to Goshen.

A Field Trip to London - January 24th

     What a fantastic weekend we had just had, 60 people at our house to celebrate Rebecca's 40th bday, many phone calls, cards, facebook hello's all to commemorate the big day. January had so much going on with our team retreat from the churches to the planning of and the day of the party. One of the other aspects of the celebrations was going together for a couple of days to London. This sounds like a relatively easy venture but getting to London and getting around the city takes time, effort and money. We had a fab day at the Toussad's wax museum and found our apartment in Stratford after a bit of searching. On this occasion it was decided that I would plan the next day and I had decided that the science museum would be a good idea for our day's plans. Rebecca didn't exactly jump at those suggested plans but on the flip side she did not want to sadden or frustrate me by declaring a lack of interest in that idea. How I missed the warning signs I'm not sure, it wouldn't take the most perceptive among us to ascertain her internal thoughts of ... really that's what were going to do?
     After taking the Central line through to the museum district we walked through a long pedestrian subway which led to the science museum, natural history museum and the Victoria + Albert museum. We saw signs for the V + A, it looked very interesting but plans are plans so we almost bedrudgingly carried on to the science museum. The sounds of many children greeted us from the entrance hall but after making our way to a short bathroom break we were ready to go explore. Another gaggle of children was present in the main hall, a couple more classes in the space hall and more in the next exhibit.

     Being a museum with many children is nothing new to either of us after years of being the adult in charge on school field trips. This was not a field trip, it was celebrating Rebecca's birthday but everywhere we turned were reminded of teaching and reminded that we did not have a little one to be pushing around in a buggy or answering limitless questions of why? as one walks around a science museum. The frustration, sadness and despair flowed out on the 4th floor corridor across from the elevators on a little solitary bench tucked right next to the wall, away from the masses. A few tears, hugs, silent prayers and the decision to go to the V + A instead was made, the right one for that day. The remainder of that Thursday was wonderful with honest conversation, laughs, great food and the recognition that while we were in a raw place emotionally we were not only going to be ok but that we also felt we had a plan moving forward.

Slides and Crossroads - New Year 2013

     That time of your life when hope turns to despair is not easy to live through. That turning can be instantaneous in the example of a car wreck that takes loved ones or it could be a long drawn out process of a debilitating disease. To some extent that slide downward into despair happens to everybody no matter how upbeat and positive somebody might be. In the case of Rebecca and I we could feel our hope for the adoption starting to slide into despair. It might have been in a conversation where we hoped the 'a' word did not come up knowing that our answer of

'No we haven't heard anything yet' 

would be received with another dejected expression accompianed by the awkardness of what else are we going to talk about. As time carried on the inevitable questions and comparisons to the UK system started to become less frequent and in many aspects that was much easier.
     While the slide into the despair of our situation seemed to subside for quite a while in the back of our minds we knew that March was coming and the one year anniversary of being approved. In a previous blog post from late 2012 I wrote that we were in a waiting place and that was OK. The reality is that it is almost impossible to be in a waiting pattern wholly. While waiting we knew that hope and grace were beginning to fade away. The motto of the adoption 'on our hearts but not on our minds' had also shifted as it was squarely on our minds, if not everyday very close to it.
     The feeling reminded me of when driving and the gas light comes on and is staying lit. I know I can still drive, for a few more miles but that orange hue emanating from the dashboard reminds me every time my eye catches it that I've got to either fill up or run out to be stranded.  For us we knew that the months of waiting had taken their toll emotionally and new with the update on our homestudy being due in March we had approached another crossroads.

     Many questions abounded from where do we do the homestudy from, how much will it cost, what other paperwork needs to be submitted and a whole host of other questions. With the arrival of new questions also comes the uncertainty of answers and what that could mean for the future. Would we need to make another trip to Indiana? If so how difficult would that be to face family and friends in person only to say

'we are still waiting and just here to update files'

 that myriad of copycat conversations did not sound like a very inviting situation to be dropped into. So the slide from hope to despair concerning the adoption picked up speed in earnest after 2013 began.

A Change in Direction - 6th June

It has been almost a half-year since our last post on this adoption blog. There's good reasoning for that, there has not been anything to write, at least nothing that we knew of which was concrete. Well that has changed, before you get too carried away we don't suddenly have a child, but we do have some very interesting and good news.

We have been increasingly looking into working with the possibility of adopting in this country and as of two days ago we had confirmation that a charity here has agreed to work with us. This means that we will stop our process in America and begin it here.  The goal of this charity is to have the approval process and child placement completed within a 12 month period. As you know we have waited a long time, we have been engaged with this process for about a year and a half, so being involved another year feels ok to us.

There will be much more detail on this blog over the next couple of weeks as all of our thoughts, important dates, conversations etc... will be chronichled, so please check back about every other day for the latest which will start with an entry from January. Blessings to you all, and welcome back to our adoption journey, which now has changed in direction.