The Land In-Between - August 29th

     Another home, another homestudy visit. Yesterday we had the great opportunity to meet with our social worker for the second time. These are really interesting meetings where we answer questions that she fires toward us, it's really not that daunting rather quite lighthearted. Yesterday's topics included how we might deal with a troubled teenager to, if our cat Nooma gets on well with little children.

The meetings are about two hours long and begin with a customary cup of coffee, selection of biscuits and a catch-up. They are entitled homestudy meetings but essentially they are studies of us not our home.
     As you might know we are on the move again, this weekend we move all of our belongings from our friends two garages into our new house that we're renting. Our next homestudy meeting will be in our actual home, we've already completed a homestudy in America in a house that we lodged in for three weeks, and have had a meeting here in our old house and a house where we are temporarily dwelling. We expect to be at our new house for the foreseeable future and be able to call it home. It has been both wonderful and confusing during this interim period of moving out, waiting to move in and eventually moving in. To be honest it feels a bit like holiday at home, it's August, we have cable TV, we're living out of suitcases, scrounging around meals and enjoying a slower pace of life if even for a couple of days.

     The labour of moving, packing, unpacking, downsizing, running to the tip, etc... will come to an end soon and we'll be enjoying the comforts of our own house. It got me to thinking what it would be like to always be living in the interim, to be in-between as the norm? For children who are in the care system being at a place they can't call their own is unfortunately the way it almost always is. Whether a child is in foster care or in a children's home facility it is always a place until something else happens. It is not permanent, it is in a way like living out of suitcases, of course for many children they are too young to even understand what they are going through. It's the space until moving on to the next space.
     I remember as a teacher having students who would arrive during the year into the classroom. At first usually very timid then after a month or two they would begin to acclimate, build friendship and trust only to find out that they were moving on again. A note would come into the inbox or an email stating that _____ was no longer enrolled, and of course that child would go to the next school and begin the process all over again. How difficult it must be to be always in a temporary state?

have not read on my list though

     For children who are awaiting adoption this is their position. While in foster care (this is a much needed service and these homes are usually fantastic places to be) there is that possibility of having to move on to the next house, but there also maybe existing is the opportunity of being brought into not only a long-term house but a family. In Psalms 68:6 it says that God puts the lonely in families, what a gorgeous picture of restoration! Although many children may have fallen through the cracks of family and society there lies the hope that they no longer must dwell in the land between, God does place the lonely, heartbroken and troubled into families.

Homestudy, Take Two - August 9th

     Dejavu all over again is the saying, for us the homestudy process is a bit like that. For those of you who know our story we have been approved to adopt in Indiana, went through all the official stuff but then were not chosen by a birth mother. Now that we have lived in this country long enough we are able to adopt here but alas we must go through another homestudy process. This past March we almost went back to America to update our homestudy there only to recognize that we were most likely going to adopt here.

     The homestudy is a big portion of the before process to being approved to adopt. It's a series of meeting with a social worker who comes to your house to ask questions on all sorts of levels from how the normal day looks for you to what your childhood memories are. They can be inquiries that dig quite deep along with conversations that are more about hopes/dreams than anything else. Essentially the interview questioning is to mine out what we think, and what is some background as to why we think something particular. Having gone through this type of proceeding before means that we have already reckoned with much of our thoughts on parenting, use of time, looking back at how we were raised and thinking about practical things like stair-gates and child-proofing the home.
     We were over the moon on Tuesday as our homestudy started here, the next number of dates for the other meetings are set as well. For people who are usually quite planned out this has been a real bonus to know when we'll be meeting, and roughly what the conversation will centre around. There is also a homework element which includes a variety of written explanation again mostly to do with either our own past or our view on how to handle a situation. It's the kind of homework that doesn't have right or wrong answers since it's about our lives, so again we can handle that and for the most part look forward to it.

For those of you wanting firm dates on when we'll be approved and have a child/children in our house it's simply too hard to say not because the system is broken or we are being misinformed it's because there are so many factors that go into being approved, getting through panel, matching with a profile, meeting children etc... there are many other steps to go but this important one we have now embarked upon.

Summer School - August 1st

     Those of you who are teachers will probably agree with me that the school classroom is one of the best places to be. It's a small community of people with roughly the same focus, goals and tasks, it's informative and fun too. There is a relaxedness (word?) that takes place in that type of learning environment and that is what our 4 day adoption training felt like. It was a step into the classroom at times a primary room with bubbles, playdough and games, or like a high school room with lectures, q/a along with group discussions.

     There were 20 some people on the course all brimming with excitement over the prospects of being adopters. Of course at first there was the quiet anticipation of 'how is this going to work' 'are the presenters qualified or capable' and ' who is sitting across the room from me?' These are the same types of thoughts that go through anyone's mind when begin a new course for attend a conference. All of these questions were answered very quickly as good teachers and presenters do the aims, format of the days were laid out along with short intros from all speakers/attenders. The brief intros showed that there were doctors, teachers, IT guys, NHS workers, artists and many other professions present among the group, the largest one to date for a 4 day training.
     So not to bore you with loads of detail (those of you who are interested simply ask) here is a listing of some of the topics that we covered; overview of the process, dealing with loss, theraplay, developmental trauma, how or why a child is removed from the home and a plethora of other discussions, conversations and learning experiences. We heard from many social workers, a couple of adoptive mothers, a mother who gave up a child and also the lead manager from the agency. Sometimes when you hear from the 'top dog' it is not all that informative or interesting, it's sort of like they are they because they have to not because they want to. This short encounter was totally different!
     Firstly he gave a friendly intro to himself and then encouraged us all by stating that we were there, at that particular training because we were invited. We would not have been sitting there if it wasn't felt that we could do the job of being adopters. He assured us that 97% of prospective adopters are approved nationally and even higher with our agency. The horror stories of the process taking years are becoming less frequently heard as the aim is to approve within 3-6 months and a child/children placed within another 3-6 months. The 3's are goals not unhittable (word? surprised it's not, will use it anyway) targets, they are the plan, the road to adopting in this country is proving to be paved and moving ahead swiftly. It's so good to be affirmed for where you are presently and encouraged for where you are headed.

     One other nugget he shared with the group was that everyone had been matched with a social worker and we'd met them during the training. We had opportunity to meet ours on Tuesday and to set the first date of many for our home-study process. We were just a bit shocked when our first meeting was planned for this Tuesday the 6th of August! Ya we have to move later in the month but that is not stopping the process moving forward, we don't have our visa in hand yet but that also is not stopping it either. So we'll sit down with her on Tuesday, and from there will map out the remainder of our meetings and even set a date for our panel, more to come on that at a later date. All to say we are amped, moving forward, feeling empowered and in the right place at the right time.