June 6th - Categories and Hoops

Our baby Burmese called Nooma

     There have been a number of topics bouncing around in my head lately including how best to deal with Nooma (our new beautiful lilac coloured Burmese kitten - pics to come at some point:) some lyrics for a song, the reality of us being chosen by Christ and also a statement that a speaker called Carl Wills shared with a group of people here in Basingstoke. (A bit theological here if that's ok) He was talking about the word accuser and specifically about accuser of the brethren which is found in Revelation 12:10. I've heard teaching about that verse before but I've not heard the view that the Greek work for accuser means to catergorize or one who catergorizes, big deal right? Think about it? How do you feel when you have been catergorized into something or you are catergorized as something. For many years Rebecca and I were known as 'Earl and Rebecca from Goshen' or 'Youth Leaders from Goshen', these were fine titles as they were true. Yet they did not tell the whole story, we were also Earl from New York, Rebecca born in Oklahoma, accounts payable clerk, EDI Coordinator, Kindergarten Teacher, EASE Faciliatator, and those jobs were just in a span of a couple of years. Of course there are many stories out there which are untold when we are only known as this or that, rather than knowing the whole story of who we are.
     When we are put into a category or when we put others into categories we miss out on something of who they are. Why has this been on my mind, what does this have to do with our adoption journey you might ask. Now we are known as three things, we are Earl and Rebecca leaders of West Church, Earl and Rebecca the Americans in the village and Earl and Rebecca who are adopting. Our 'titles' here don't fully encompass who we are, most people who have only known us here don't know that we've led ministry trips to various countries, that we started dating in Greece, previously had a cat named Cameron and of course numerous other aspects of our lives pre-England.You get used to these titles, as we have done over the last few years.
     The last one is the newest and probably the hardest one for us to reckon with because while we are adopting it has not happened yet. It is difficult to have this be what you are 'known for' and in reality it has not taken place yet. I think that we can handle these titles though, but there are other areas of the adoption journey where categorizing people has struck me as well. In the USA adoption is really an option, you can see it as the word option is embedded in adoption. There are many instances of adoption from newborns all the way to teenagers, from within the country and abroad. There are countless agencies both local, national, government, private, Christian, etc... it is not hard to find one, we are so pleased with the one that we are working with. If a child is adopted there does not seem to be much of a stigma attached, rather there is the reality they are now in a loving family (usually that is) having opportunties that most children are afforded. This seems to be different in the UK from the conversations we've had with people, there is drastically many fewer adoptions that take place. There is an alarming lack of adoption because the system is very cumbersome to work with, there are few private agencies and hoops that one has to jump through would make an adopting family tired from the paperwork alone. Friends of ours who have successfully adopted have waited for years, and another friend ran into more trouble with a straightforward adoption than we would ever dream.. Put another way, adoption is not as much of an option.
     Another group that gets categorized are the women who are giving birth and then 'giving up' their baby. I think that the bravery and generosity they show by going through with the birth, and the placing of their child into the arms of another is flatout remarkable. It is not deserving of being chucked into a category; these might be: often a teenager, unable to cope, bad decision making, unfit mother, on and on with titles that might be given to the young ladies. How about the category of life-giving, brave and loving rather than taking the route of abortion or even the route of attempting to raise the child without the resouces that are needed for the long haul. These women are often not praised for their actions, probably scorned and shamed to some extent but they are the ones who carry on with giving-life to their baby and offering unending possibility to these same little ones. We look forward to the day when our little baby is not categorized by anything but being a Robinson, I'm sure other categories could be found but that one sounds like it's perfect.

May 27th - Enjoy the view!

     If you've ever been on a journey/trip probably the most common question asked by a young child or even an adult for that matter is "How much longer?"  If we are going to a destination we have an idea of the length of the journey.  Sure, situations can change that; a flat tire, an accident, a snow storm but we do know how long in normal conditions we will need to wait until we reach our destination.

Recently we have been using a gps/sat nav a few times as we have gone places.  They are interestingly little machines that often have a mind of their own as we recently discovered whilst driving the wrong way down a one way street in the middle of a big city, but that's another story....  Moving swiftly on, the great thing about these clever little devices is that they tell you how long you will be on that road before moving to the next, how many miles left to travel, as well as approximately how many minutes until you hear the welcome words, "You have reached your destination."  The whole system is down to a science and unless an unexpected circumstance occurs the whole journey is quite prescribed.
The thing is though that life isn't always like that and the length of waiting isn't always known.  Can you imagine getting in a car to go somewhere and not knowing if you will arrive in 10 minutes or 24 hours or even a few weeks?  How do you prepare?  What do you wear?  Do you take your ipod or food for the journey?  It's nearly impossible to plan.
It seems this is the world that Earl and I have found ourselves in.  I've waited for many things over the years, waited for graduation day, for special trips to visit friends, for my wedding day, etc. etc.  All of these waiting periods had quite a bit of definition around them but this, this is so very, very different.  Recently someone came up to me that had been praying for me and shared something with me.  They felt God had told them to share with me that the road was difficult because I didn't know the length of the road that I was travelling on but that it was important that I enjoy the view!

I really love that perspective but how do you enjoy the view on a journey that could be extremely short or extremely long.  The answers are not obvious but I have come to a few conclusions.  First of all, I have had to rest in the fact that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make this process go faster.  We are approved and we wait to be chosen.  That's it, my job is to wait.  Also, I am enjoying the view.  Life is good and even though it will change drastically at some point I trust that God will show me how to cope with those changes.  But for now I am not focusing on what will be but what is.  I am enjoying life with my amazing husband of nearly 16 years, loving our new home that we share with our dear friend Lizzie who is a sister to both of us, leading West Basingstoke Community church that has some of the most caring, generous, and Godly people I know, and just taking each day as a new adventure.  Life here in England is far from boring and I don't want to miss it simply waiting to hear the words, "You have reached your destination."

The link below is 'Never Once' by Matt Redman, it is one that has spoken to us recently

May 17th - Phone conversations and more

 Rebecca's conversation between her and a delightful little 6 year old:

Child:  "So, when are you going to South Africa to get your baby?  It is South Africa right?"

Me: "Close, it's America."

Child:  "Ok, so when are you getting your baby?"

Me: "When they call us and tell us then we will get our baby.  We are just waiting for the phone to ring."

Child:  "So, when they call you, then you will have your baby?"

Me:  "Yes, but how old are you?"

Child:  "I'm 6!"

Me:  "Ok, well, it might happen when you are 6 or it might happen when you are 7, we just don't know."

Child:  "Ok, but I think it will happen when I am 6 because I will be 6 for a long time!"

Me:  " I hope it happens when you are 6 too, but I will tell you when it happens, we just have to wait for the phone to ring."

     I'll bet if you think about it you can remember times when you've been seated by the phone or had your mobile in your hand just waiting for that call. I can remember when I was going to get a phone call from an elementary school that I was hoping to work for and the expectation of the ring superceded almost everything else. I also remember back when I was 17 and excited about getting a first real job and expecting Pizza Hut to call to say whether or not I was going to be part of the team of making pizzas and pastas. Those are decent examples but in all reality the phone was going to ring soon enough with the answers to my employment questions on the other end of the line. For us presently we know that there is a phone call or email out there at some point which will most likely be very life-changing but the fact is we don't know when this important call may come.
     As you can imagine the question that we now face almost daily is 'do you know when you get a baby' and of course answering this almost daily can be a bit of a drain. With the adoption not happening until the timing is right we have no choice but to carry on living our daily lives. It's like this, when I get up in the morning I tend to think about eating breakfast, taking a shower, looking to see how the Rangers did in the previous nights ballgame, thinking through what I need to before going out, and checking email to see if there are any pressing issues. I don't immediatley run to the phone, sit down next to it and wait for a call from the agency in America. If that were all there was daily then that would drive us to craziness, but alas there is so much more in our lives than the adoption process which we have entered and have gotten well past the starting gate. There is the reality of leading the West Region of Basingstoke Community Churches, there are village relationships and activities, there is sharing our house/life with Lizzie, there is our wide range of relationships in America that we value, etc... so there is more to do daily than wait by the phone.

not my daily life but an example of a daily life

     What a blessing that while we wait in faith we are encountering many other opportunties to see God at work in our daily lives. Since our lives are about being and not just off doing this and doing that I think that we are able to keep this balance of waiting while going about daily living in a healthy balance.

May 3rd - The keyword is sacrifice

     There a number of words that come up often when helping lead a church, some of them are grace, salvation, love, the cross, sacrifice, freedom etc and the word that I want to hone in on for this blog enrtry is sacrifice. It has been on my mind much lately, I've had quite a few people mention that what we are doing with adoption is a sacrifice. I like to think that the whole of our lives are sacrifice, simply being willing to give away and lay down what we have. Sure there are sacrifices with something like adoption, time, money, emotion but surely that is all worth it, it is worth having on the block  or laying on the altar.
     So far in this journey we have had to 'sacrifice' some of our time including a month in the US, well that was a great time not exactly something where we felt a huge loss as you would when giving something up. There has been cost and there will be much more to come as the adoption goes through but what better way to spend the money that we have saved and planned for over the years? Ya we could go out and use money on an extravagant vacation, or buy a nicer car or various other purchases but why not use our finance on something as special as life. There has definetely been emotion sacrificed but again it has been worth it, to share in the joys of new relationships we've built through this process, to be able tell stories of how God has set up various aspects of our trip and organizing the whole process. We have had some downs as well as ups, but that is reality, it's not all peaches and cream as they say. So for us there is sacrifice but we are more than willing and ready to offer what we have in all the various ways written about before. I'd rather look at other sacrifices that take place through the adoption process.
     I cannot imagine what the feeling must be for a mother who has carried a life for up to 9 months and then after a couple of days this life is given to another family. An attachment that took around 3/4 of a year is physically severed and emotionally changed over the course of a couple of days after birth. This to me is huge sacrifice to be willing to carry this life, go through the trials of pregnancy, the pain of birth all with the plan of then 'sacrificing' this child in the way of giving he or she to another. What a bold statement, rather than taking the 'easy road' of abortion the mother fully gives life to the little one in the womb. We look with a steady gaze at the day when we adopt, when we hold the one given to us by both God and the brave lady who went through it all, not for her but for another. We look to that day, for now we wait until that lady makes contact with the agency and with us about the life that she would like to offer to us.

Have a listen to 'Worth it All' by Rita Springer

  

April 17th - Is no gnus good gnus?

     This is a question that I have been asking myself, maybe not these exact words but the bigger idea 'is no news good news?'
As far as our adoption process has been going there has not been much if any news in the last couple of weeks. Is that a welcomed break for us, or is that something that we should get frustrated about? There are many questions with this adventure and one of the biggest if not the biggest is around timing and frequency of information. It's not as if there has been nothing happening in our lives, we have come back to this fair land for 5 weeks now and in that space have moved out of and into a new house. That has been an undertaking and we can see that it has been the grace of God to not have a trip back to Indiana for adoption reasons during this ultra-busy time in our lives.
     We have had what could be a small piece of good news as we've found a charity that gives adoption grants to parents who are adopting newborns from the US. Many of the grants that are out there only service either international or older children adoption. The other way that they kick in is by matching what the parents/church raise individually. We have decided that doing personal fundraising is not the way forward for us in this process. It would be fantastic though to receive some grant money for this purpose, so the plan is to do the paperwork on our next day off and hopefully get it all submitted in time for the 30th April deadline. There is plenty to do with it, but to be honest not rivaling the amount in the applications and actual adoption prep paperwork, so we should be able to handle it.

   
      Back to the question of news and the frequency with which it arrives. In some respects it is easier to have space and not have new possibilities swirling about because if your hopes aren't raised they cannot be dashed either. With that being said though we have really enjoyed hearing about a couple of situations that we might be suited for, and it's in those times when hopes raise very quickly. If I had  nickel for the number of times I've thought 'if we were planning a trip to the USA now it would be so difficult' then I could probably buy a can of coke or something similar. We have been given grace for this time, this time of not having much news and not having to change our lives dramatically at this point. So I suppose that for now no gnus is good gnus, but when other news comes we'll be excited you can be sure.

April 4th - Settling in?

     Anytime that you move there is such an unsettling, it doesn't matter how much you look forward to it or dread it. The whole action of boxing up what you own, going through the stuff and taking bags to the charity shops or the tip (recycling place for you Americans) can be taxing. It takes time to figure out what to toss, what hasn't been used in a while, what is sentimental that needs special care or what is fragile which calls for some bubble wrap. Of course after all the boxes, furniture and other stuff have been moved then it all has to be gone through and placed in the new abode. This takes not only time, but also quite a bit of headspace and emotion. The excitement of an empty space, the picture hooks on the wall, and the oh so needed changeable lampshades all provide an opporutnity for creatively using our belongings to adorn the new house.

    Making a house a home is a task and it is one that simply takes time. The question that you get the most once you've moved in is 'have you settled in' I can't say that I totally know what that means. Does that mean having boxes unpacked, having all your picture hooks occupied or plans for unused space? Does it mean that over the course of a couple of weeks an area you had never called your own is all of a sudden 'home'? That time does come but not overnight, and we look forward to our new dwelling being a true home, it is getting there and yes we are settling in.
    So how much are we settling in with the adoption process? This is a question that we have wrestled with as there is a big difference between waiting with expectancy each day looking at the email, hoping that 'the email' has come which will drastically change our lives in a good way. Compared to waiting with expectancy knowing that at some point that special email or call will arrive and we'll deal with those implications at that time. I feel like we are settling into the latter of the two, probably a more measured waiting knowing that it could be a long time until our hopes are seen in the expanse of our family.

 Settling into some kind of routine of life has been really helpful to us since our return to the UK following our adoption process trip. It has allowed us to live 'normal' in a way (even though we've just moved house) and not simply eager for the next to hear good news.
     For us this waiting period is an important one, whether that be 1 month or 14 months or even longer, this time is truly in God's hands, we are the ones who are being asked to live it out.  For all of you reading this blog don't feel sorry for us as we wait, it is part of this adventure and we are settled in for the long haul, as a great band once sang nobody said it was easy.

March 26th - Movin on to the Northwest Side

the house we have moved into

     I don't know how many of you remember the sitcom called the Jefferson's that ran back in 1979 - 1984 ish (that shows my age) but i do at least from the re-runs that always seemed to on the television. The theme song to that show was 'Movin on up' and in the case of that family they moved on up to the east side to a deluxe apartment in the sky (sing along if you know it) and in our case it is movin on over to the northwest side to a much more modern  house in Glebe Meadow.
     That is our situation, as you may or may not have read earlier in the blog we found out that we had to move out of our lovely dwelling on Winchester St and at the time we did not have any options of where to go. In the eleventh hour the Lord provided a house for Rebecca, Lizzie and I to move into, and it is right here in the village. It is about an 8 minute walk to the Co-op rather than a thirty second walk, but we'll trade that for all the benefits of this house we now are moving into. To have this kind of house come available when it did was providence as we were really desiring to stay in Overton, to continue living together and not to have to downsize considerably because as you may or may not have read we are adopting. When there was nothing that was coming up for rental we were concerned but fear never really kicked in rather a peace that we would be taken care of.

     So after our trip to America we knew that the next big thing on our agenda of life was to move house, they say it is one of the more stressful activities that one can go through. I'd say that this move has gone quite seamlessly and much of that can be down to the amazing people that we have had around us during the actual move and the run-up to it. On Friday night Rebecca gathered her youth cell at our new house and while it only housed boxes at the time they were let loose to go throughout the house to pray, worship and listen to God and write down what they hear. These post-it-notes were found all over the place, on the doors, windows, the floor, each room had thoughts from God heard by the teenagers, they are ones who will spend time here. Then we came to Saturday, the big day from our perspective as it was the one when everyone was coming to lend their  brawn and elbow grease. The weather was gorgeous and an army of eager workers each of whom will here be named;  (in no particular order); Murray, Catherine, Amelia, Barbara, Alan, Malcolm, Phil, Simon, Jeff, Tiffany, Rhian,Wendy, David, Peter, Carol, Chris, Karen, David, Mark, Chris and Mike. They were an army each marching to the beat of  and without them we could not have accomplished the moving of all the furniture that we have accumulated over the years.
     14 is a big house and to clean it meant many people giving it their all, and this is exactly what happened. A move like this underscores the value of community, I personally don't know how people who aren't surrounded by a loving community of friends can do something like this without professional or hired help. We have always seen our friends as our family and in this case it was a great day of working, eating and being together all around one goal of helping to get us from there to here. It goes without saying probably but these same people who helped us this weekend are ones who will be around when we arrive back on this fair isle with a little addition to our family. When you need others help is when you realize how much life can't be lived on it's own. I think that the old saying that it takes a village to raise a child is so true, we look really forward when we have opportunity to put that into real practice.

Check out this interesting version of Movin on Up

March 16th - Approval... now what???

     We have always looked at our trip to Indiana as one of adventure, listening to this part of our call, a certain amount of unknown territory and of course excitement. One of the areas of unknown territoriness (word?) was can we get everything done in a 3 1/2 week period of time planned in the states? If we could not get it all in during that space of time, then what?, how could we finish the process of becoming approved to adopt? It's not like we can just hop on a plane and go back to Indy for one more meeting. Anyway that question is one that hung around our heads for quite sometime, especially in the run-up to the scheduled trip and whilst (for all you Brits:) in the USA. Most people take much more time to do the interviews, education meetings, paperwork, creation of the family profile, but most people are working alongside of those portions of the process whereas we were there for that reason firstly, then meeting up with people secondly. On reflection had we attempted to do a trip like that on our regular visit to Indiana it would have proven all but impossible, but being there with that singular focus afforded us the possibility of completeness. So without any further ado... we are officially approved to adopt!!!

     We have been waiting for this official document for a fortnight or so, and it did in fact arrive tonight in our inbox. It did not contain any new information, but that does not diminish the importance of the letter, or diminish the excitement of the finish line of this part of the process. The importance lies within the fact that without it we would not be able to adopt through our chosen agency. Without their being willing to adapt to our unique circumstances and continually work with us through our mountain of questions we would not have been able to get to this point. So exactly what is this point you might ask? Where do we in fact go from here?
 

 The short answer is wait, we have done what we need to do, we are now in a position of waiting until we are chosen. I have been struck more than once by the reality of the choice we have made to enter this amazing process and now we are at a point where we are the ones waiting. Maybe the most common question of the last couple of months is when, when will you know, when do you go back to the US, when this,when that. We have plenty of answers but not those. Being called to wait now, is a great position to be in and yet a difficult spot: As Lizzie says 'waiting is a dichotomy because you vacillate between fear that you are out of control and the freedom of having things out of control' So while we wait would you be praying for us, that God would give us His peace as we live within His timing.

March 3rd - Little Ones

not these little ones, rather the ones below

     There is an aspect of adoption that probably could get lost in the shuffle of all the paperwork, meetings, excitement, finance, travel etc... and that is the fact that a little one is now part of the equation. It sounds elementary I'm sure but you know that having a newborn, infant, toddler, school age or teenager around changes pretty much everything. For us we have had much experience in not having children around and we have also been overly blessed to have had so much interaction with kids of all ages. Whether that be Rebecca's nine years as a kindergarten teacher or Earl's time with the 2nd, 3rd and 6th graders along with all other grades as a sub. Or maybe it was our 8 years working with teenagers from our church, traveling here there and everywhere, along with loads of teens from other churches as well. It feels as though we have had much opportunity with kids all over the place, from so many families, schools, churches, and many of our friends have had kids as well. Probably the ages that we have not had as much time with is with the little little ones, we're talking the newborn-toddlers. That has all been changing though, and of course it will change big time in the future.

the Good household

     As we reflect back on our great trip to Indiana there are many things that stand out, the amazing Mexican food on various occasions, high school bball,  seeing so many friends, the generosity of people that we've seen in action, but maybe one of our favorite and most life-giving times have spent with little ones. Alot of our friends have children now and that has been part of our experience that we hang out with them and their children. On this trip there seemed to be kids everywhere and whether it was playing games, building blocks, shooting hoops, choo-choos, popsicle stands, jumping like a superhero, puzzles, and who knows what else it was a blast. There is such vibrancy in their speech, often a bit louder than expected, sometimes taking everyone by surprise. There are the huge smiles while playing or running around, there are the often short stories of what happened to cause the latest ouchie. Maybe a joke here or there that sometimes is funny but always makes you laugh. Meal times which usually are interesting for one reason or another, very rarely to do with the actual food. As our trip winds down we have to give a shout out to some of the little people who have made this trip so enjoyable and might we add preparatory in more ways than simply our adoption meetings and paperwork.

Earl and Sydney

     Real world experience is the best, and we had a taste thanks to (if we left one out we're sorry) Myles, Sydney, Joelle, Jaycie, Jarvina, Graysen, Bo, Asher, Klyvlnd, Kaylen, Judah, Elijah, Levi, and there were others around here and there that bring such a vibrancy to life. This is part of the adoption process which is so much fun, the kids, the joy they bring into everyone's lives. Of course we look forward to our own stories from our family, until that time we'll continue to enjoy those around us who bring so many smiles to our faces.

February 26th - Cake and Continents

     Sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same, not sure how that works but it does tend to in some way. The focus of this trip to Indiana has always been on the adoption process, so that has taken the first priority. With that being said we knew that there would be plenty of space for other aspects of life as well to fit around the time spent on the adoption prep meetings, interviews and trainings. Coming back to Indiana where we have spent 11 1/2 years of our married lives together means that we are able to see many people who we have relationship with, some for many years. At times on this trip it has meant doing what we used to do for fun i.e. high school basketball games, shopping at night, getting together to play games with friends; it has also been hanging out with old friends, and having it feel like time almost hasn't past, especially 3 1/2 years worth of time. It has meant going to our favorite places to eat out, mostly Mexican might I add which is not readily available in England, and being able to be at Family Worship Center each Sunday of our trip. What a blessing that has been, to be where we have been sent from and be able to have input there, great relationships there and meet with the Lord while gathering with the saints there.
     Reflecting on our time this past week there has been much adoption prep with our profile and online course that we have taken but also many of the aforementioned activities as well. We've asked ourselves many a time how many other people are so fortunate, no blessed to have not only an amazing set of friends and family in one location (in our case continent) and another grouping of friends and family in a far different location. That is our experience, so many close relationships throughout Northern Indiana and so many throughout the whole of England and especially the Basingstoke area. 
     As a result of this adoption being run through Indiana we get the opportunity at some point, when that point is we don't know, to come back here for another two month stretch while the adoption is being finalized. During that time we'll once again have many of the experiences that this trip has afforded us, that will be great to have that kind of space with friends and family here in the States. We will we miss our lives in England of course we will, but for us this is part of the journey that we are on, it is a bit like having our cake and eating it too. So for now we finish up our adoption process meetings in the near future and then wait to be approved as a potential adoptive family and go from there. All the while knowing that we have many walking with us whether that is from the east or west of the Atlantic, and that is a wonderful place to be.