April - Back Story up till approval - April 23rd

Below is the blog entries through the first part of April, written in real time as to what we were thinking/feeling at the time, happy reading...

 

8^th April – God’s Timing

When somebody is coming up to significant birthday milestones like 40 for example taking stock in life is quite a normal activity. I have to say that I've been doing that, but in the midst of a coming party on Saturday, celebrations on Monday and getting cards from people a dark shadow continues to hang. As of this writing we are still unclear of our status as adopting parents. We have not been given the go-ahead, the agency has not asked for anything more which would indicate that they have all they need to make decisions. This is both comforting and concerning, if they do in fact have it all then why the delay? If they don't have everything then what else will be inquired about, what other forms may we have to produce.

            Unfortunately too often when times are difficult the response of well-wishing people (usually Christians) comes across as trite. This happens all the time at funerals and when really rough news about a person's health or financial situation comes into the light. Often it is said 'it's God's timing' or 'He works everything out for good' and while these are true that doesn't mean that they are easy to stomach. Again we have to remind ourselves that we are waiting on the news of a loved son in the military who has gone MIA or to find out if the delicate brain surgery was successful or not. We recognise it is not a life and death situation that we wait on tenderhooks for, but that does not mean that swallowing the pill of 'It's God's timing, and His is always best' is very easy accomplish.
            Of course our thinking could change, and very dramatically in a short space of time once we get that important phone call. Until then the protocol is to keep the mobile handy, have it charged and always turned on, even sound not just on vibrate mode.

10^th April – Did you send that Email?

I don't remember the first time I sent or received an email I suppose it was 11 years ago when my account at hotmail was set up with ETPR29 as the name, my nickname given by the youth group guys ETP followed by my age. My  how much has changed, now nary a couple of hours go by without an email coming in or being sent out. How often is an email recieved with an expectation of a response immediately or at least within the day. Long live the days of the letter where it traveled to it's destination or even the phone call now it's all pinged off on an email (or message, twitter etc...) It is all so immediate and instant.

How ironic with the waiting game that we've been playing that it seems like what we are waiting on now is an email. A person at the agency to send another person at the agency an email, once that little piece of communication takes place we can move forward to the final step of our approval process. It feels like it's been months since our panel meeting, actually it has been 3 weeks. At times we've been really relaxed like last week when we knew that the holiday of one of the contacts superceded our process. Or even the first couple of days when we simply did not expect a quick response.

This week has not been as easy, more or less with mobiles pinned to our hips waiting for the ring-tone to go off with the agency on the other end of the line. That's the way yesterday was, in town all day, hoping that I hadn't missed the call with all the sounds of the shopping district and traffic. As a result checking the mobile incessantly usually to find an email that had come in but not a missed call.Today we actually made a call rather than waiting on one, it was exceedingly helpful, even if only for our own psyche. We'll see about tomorrow or even later today, maybe a phone call or an email will arrive in the inbox. 

11^th April – Is Today the Day?

You probably remember asking that question as a little kid when you were excited about going on vacation or a visit from family members. 'Is today the day we go, or when they arrive?' it's frought with anticipation but also the unsurety of the happenings of the day. That's us, we are in that same place as most 4 year olds before the car is packed and the journey begins. We have had some marginally good news yesterday, we have been promised a phone call today, but not sure what will be said on the other end. We have reason to believe that our approval will be granted, and that it might be today, but we can't be for sure.

There isn't much we can be sure of, Ben Franklin famously said there are two things you can count on... death and taxes. He's mostly right you can count on those but I think there are more than that, one is the love of the Lord Jesus Christ throughout all of life's ups and downs and another one of those is change. Change is always happening around us and to us, maybe I'm thinking this way as I encroach further on being 40, being 'over the hill' as they say. It used to be life began after 40, now it's life begins after 60, if that's the case I'm still a toddler.

Rebecca and I have had our fair share of change, I suppose all married couples do, we've moved house, found new jobs, gone back to Uni, sold our possessions, moved to a new continent, gone to Bible school, lived with various people, started a new profession here, on and on it goes. We've been told that were good at change, whatever that means i'm not sure. That we can adapt and do it quickly, again that is probably a really helpful skill, but I might not want to use it as often as I do:) 

12^th April – Bordering on the Absurd

Yesterday near the end of another day which brought us no further news, I uttered a statement that our situation was getting absurd and that it means there must be a much greater reason for our waiting. In essence we are waiting on an email, it's already been agreed, it's been requested three times but with still no answer. Can we understand this? Nope, do we usually respond to emails immediately? Yup. Does that change our situation presently how we do things, it doesn't unfortunately. We have some really trustworthy and great people working on our behalf, some real advocates who are fighting our corner. As I sit here thinking about Palm Sunday tomorrow it does seem absurd but so did the Saviour of the world riding into Jerusalem aboard a lowly donkey not a war horse, coming in as a meager peasant would not a conquering hero adorned with medals. There are examples of absurdity all throughout the Bible, God has a way of using the absurd to get across the point of his power and plan, we're blessed to be part of that in our situation.

14^th April – Anticipation for Who Knows What

There are not that many days when you roll out of bed after a night of slumber and have no clue what the next day holds. It is a rarity in our society of intricately planned out diaries to have space, let alone a whole day where you don't know what will be taking place. For those of you who don't know today is my 40th birthday and along with the unknown of what the 40's will bring there is the immediacy of 'What does Rebecca have up her sleeve?' We both are quite good at planning special birthdays for each other, usually secrets even though we share an email account we find ways to plan in secret.

     Anticipation and reflection have been something I've been doing alot of lately. Last night Lizzie asked me what were three events over the last decade that sprung to mind. If you have not tried choosing just three events from a decade have a go, it's not that easy. It was really helpful to think back through and try to determine which ones had the most impact or the vivid memory. In addition to reflecting there is also the anticipating that comes along with a birthday and on this occasion a special one with a '0'.
      It feels like Rebecca and I are consistently waiting, another perspective could be that it is anticipating. Is that a lighter spin on waiting?  Does aticipating rather than frustratingly waiting take away the life-lessons of patience and long-suffering? In jobs past I have been accused of being overly positive, is that really a bad thing? I suppose looking at the glass half full, the silver lining is my m/o.. Along with that look at life comes the joy of anticipating, recognising that there is great stuff on the way, fun times, special occasions with special people.

      Of course with all the waiting that we've been doing with the adoption process (31 months from start time in Sept 2011) we have also had plenty of time to anticipate. We can't really plan but that is different from the excitment of anticipating what might be, how many children will we adopt, boy or girl, age of the child or children so much to look forward to. That is where we are presently in a space of looking forward and seeing what the next day brings us.

14^th April – Tomorrow, Tomorrow

I'm not a big fan of the musical Annie, I love musicals but for some reason have never gotten into that one. Surprising since it is the story of a little orphan girl who is taken in and finds a new life, but I haven't I really like others like Les Mis, Billy Elliot and Wicked to name a few. Anyway the song Tomorrow from Annie is incredibly well known and even I know that one, the promise of tomorrow only being a day away. That is where we find ourselves now in the adoption marathon, tomorrow looks to be the day of the decision. Will we be fully approved and moving on to the next stage of seeing profiles of children waiting to be adopted? It looks promising that tomorrow the siutation will be reached.

     We have learned long ago that depending on dates as promises is a foolhardy action, but that does not mean we can't be excited. There is always that possibility that the meeting doesn't happen or the right person happened to be out of the office, again all out of our control. What we can control is the ability to pray, to put our hope in the Lord Jesus and to continue riding this crazy rollercoaster of getting through the adoption process. Does it make sense to put many hopes and dreams on one day, probably not in the course of a life it is a very small amount, but wow does it feel long when you're awaiting a decision. I've been in that place before, you've probably been in that place before of knowing you gave a good interview but will you be chosen for the job? It can be so difficult to let the hours slip by, but what other choice is there? So tomorrow, tomorrow you're only a day away!