The Land In-Between - August 29th

     Another home, another homestudy visit. Yesterday we had the great opportunity to meet with our social worker for the second time. These are really interesting meetings where we answer questions that she fires toward us, it's really not that daunting rather quite lighthearted. Yesterday's topics included how we might deal with a troubled teenager to, if our cat Nooma gets on well with little children.

The meetings are about two hours long and begin with a customary cup of coffee, selection of biscuits and a catch-up. They are entitled homestudy meetings but essentially they are studies of us not our home.
     As you might know we are on the move again, this weekend we move all of our belongings from our friends two garages into our new house that we're renting. Our next homestudy meeting will be in our actual home, we've already completed a homestudy in America in a house that we lodged in for three weeks, and have had a meeting here in our old house and a house where we are temporarily dwelling. We expect to be at our new house for the foreseeable future and be able to call it home. It has been both wonderful and confusing during this interim period of moving out, waiting to move in and eventually moving in. To be honest it feels a bit like holiday at home, it's August, we have cable TV, we're living out of suitcases, scrounging around meals and enjoying a slower pace of life if even for a couple of days.

     The labour of moving, packing, unpacking, downsizing, running to the tip, etc... will come to an end soon and we'll be enjoying the comforts of our own house. It got me to thinking what it would be like to always be living in the interim, to be in-between as the norm? For children who are in the care system being at a place they can't call their own is unfortunately the way it almost always is. Whether a child is in foster care or in a children's home facility it is always a place until something else happens. It is not permanent, it is in a way like living out of suitcases, of course for many children they are too young to even understand what they are going through. It's the space until moving on to the next space.
     I remember as a teacher having students who would arrive during the year into the classroom. At first usually very timid then after a month or two they would begin to acclimate, build friendship and trust only to find out that they were moving on again. A note would come into the inbox or an email stating that _____ was no longer enrolled, and of course that child would go to the next school and begin the process all over again. How difficult it must be to be always in a temporary state?

have not read on my list though

     For children who are awaiting adoption this is their position. While in foster care (this is a much needed service and these homes are usually fantastic places to be) there is that possibility of having to move on to the next house, but there also maybe existing is the opportunity of being brought into not only a long-term house but a family. In Psalms 68:6 it says that God puts the lonely in families, what a gorgeous picture of restoration! Although many children may have fallen through the cracks of family and society there lies the hope that they no longer must dwell in the land between, God does place the lonely, heartbroken and troubled into families.

Homestudy, Take Two - August 9th

     Dejavu all over again is the saying, for us the homestudy process is a bit like that. For those of you who know our story we have been approved to adopt in Indiana, went through all the official stuff but then were not chosen by a birth mother. Now that we have lived in this country long enough we are able to adopt here but alas we must go through another homestudy process. This past March we almost went back to America to update our homestudy there only to recognize that we were most likely going to adopt here.

     The homestudy is a big portion of the before process to being approved to adopt. It's a series of meeting with a social worker who comes to your house to ask questions on all sorts of levels from how the normal day looks for you to what your childhood memories are. They can be inquiries that dig quite deep along with conversations that are more about hopes/dreams than anything else. Essentially the interview questioning is to mine out what we think, and what is some background as to why we think something particular. Having gone through this type of proceeding before means that we have already reckoned with much of our thoughts on parenting, use of time, looking back at how we were raised and thinking about practical things like stair-gates and child-proofing the home.
     We were over the moon on Tuesday as our homestudy started here, the next number of dates for the other meetings are set as well. For people who are usually quite planned out this has been a real bonus to know when we'll be meeting, and roughly what the conversation will centre around. There is also a homework element which includes a variety of written explanation again mostly to do with either our own past or our view on how to handle a situation. It's the kind of homework that doesn't have right or wrong answers since it's about our lives, so again we can handle that and for the most part look forward to it.

For those of you wanting firm dates on when we'll be approved and have a child/children in our house it's simply too hard to say not because the system is broken or we are being misinformed it's because there are so many factors that go into being approved, getting through panel, matching with a profile, meeting children etc... there are many other steps to go but this important one we have now embarked upon.

Summer School - August 1st

     Those of you who are teachers will probably agree with me that the school classroom is one of the best places to be. It's a small community of people with roughly the same focus, goals and tasks, it's informative and fun too. There is a relaxedness (word?) that takes place in that type of learning environment and that is what our 4 day adoption training felt like. It was a step into the classroom at times a primary room with bubbles, playdough and games, or like a high school room with lectures, q/a along with group discussions.

     There were 20 some people on the course all brimming with excitement over the prospects of being adopters. Of course at first there was the quiet anticipation of 'how is this going to work' 'are the presenters qualified or capable' and ' who is sitting across the room from me?' These are the same types of thoughts that go through anyone's mind when begin a new course for attend a conference. All of these questions were answered very quickly as good teachers and presenters do the aims, format of the days were laid out along with short intros from all speakers/attenders. The brief intros showed that there were doctors, teachers, IT guys, NHS workers, artists and many other professions present among the group, the largest one to date for a 4 day training.
     So not to bore you with loads of detail (those of you who are interested simply ask) here is a listing of some of the topics that we covered; overview of the process, dealing with loss, theraplay, developmental trauma, how or why a child is removed from the home and a plethora of other discussions, conversations and learning experiences. We heard from many social workers, a couple of adoptive mothers, a mother who gave up a child and also the lead manager from the agency. Sometimes when you hear from the 'top dog' it is not all that informative or interesting, it's sort of like they are they because they have to not because they want to. This short encounter was totally different!
     Firstly he gave a friendly intro to himself and then encouraged us all by stating that we were there, at that particular training because we were invited. We would not have been sitting there if it wasn't felt that we could do the job of being adopters. He assured us that 97% of prospective adopters are approved nationally and even higher with our agency. The horror stories of the process taking years are becoming less frequently heard as the aim is to approve within 3-6 months and a child/children placed within another 3-6 months. The 3's are goals not unhittable (word? surprised it's not, will use it anyway) targets, they are the plan, the road to adopting in this country is proving to be paved and moving ahead swiftly. It's so good to be affirmed for where you are presently and encouraged for where you are headed.

     One other nugget he shared with the group was that everyone had been matched with a social worker and we'd met them during the training. We had opportunity to meet ours on Tuesday and to set the first date of many for our home-study process. We were just a bit shocked when our first meeting was planned for this Tuesday the 6th of August! Ya we have to move later in the month but that is not stopping the process moving forward, we don't have our visa in hand yet but that also is not stopping it either. So we'll sit down with her on Tuesday, and from there will map out the remainder of our meetings and even set a date for our panel, more to come on that at a later date. All to say we are amped, moving forward, feeling empowered and in the right place at the right time.

Reading now and then - July 24th

     Tomorrow we head to Reading for the first day of four adoption training days. We are just a tad excited as this is the next step in our process, it will be with a number of other couples who are in the same boat. A bit of solidarity sounds like a good thing to me, conversation and connection with others who have had similar experience, with ups and downs along the way. This is not the first time we venture to Reading (it's where our adoption agency is located) we also traveled there back in May for an initial interview to see if we would be accepted as clients for this agency.

I wrote about our experience and thoughts on that day, read on to see what was rattling in our minds on that occasion a couple of months ago. It's crazy how much has changed since that time with moving surprisingly, being provided for a place to live, a place to store our stuff, our visa application being processed, passing the life in the UK test, Earl's parents visiting, endless days of summer; what does rain look like and feel like? Anyway here are our thoughts from a couple of months ago...
     After hardly any movement on our process for months the day of our entrance interview came very quickly. We were off to start on a new adventure! First task was finding the office in Reading and being on time, arriving late to a first interview is not the way to make a splash. We agreed to leave plenty of time to drive to the park and ride, walk through the city centre and find the correct side street. All went according to plan and on this dreary, rainy May morning we had sunshine in our hearts and dodging the raindrops didn't seem as frustrating on this walk.
     We entered in, met the social worker, exchanged pleasantries and were off and running on a 2 1/2 hour initial interview. It seemed as though it went quite in-depth, although maybe we answered with longer stories than the average interviewed couple. Is there really an average couple? All people and cases are totally different so it really doesn't matter if we are like another or even if we compare to the others. We have been through this before so there wasn't anything that took us by surprise except for the comfortability (word? if not should be) between us and the social worker.
     We've heard stories many a time of how they are seemingly 'out to get people' (I don't think this is true but I can see how decisions would lead people to think otherwise) but she was on our side. Her goal was to do an initial assessment of us, write it all up, pass it on to a manager who would decide if we were ones to proceed down the road to adopting with this particular agency. In thinking more about there were a couple of questions that did make us ponder and chuckle at the same time.
     Firstly she asked what gender and age child would we like? That is so weird and sad to think that in a way we will be able to hand-pick from the appropriate children, which one we would like to become a Robinson. This is not the way that it works in Indiana, for us it was always going to be a new-born and not really our choice, in fact the choice of the mother first and foremost. To be honest we've been asked that before by other people and to me the only correct response or answer is to accept the gender that comes to you and to pray that he or she is a healthy baby. Well that was the first question, the next one made us glance and smile at each other.
     'How many do you want' we're not talking about buying chocolate bars or ice cream cones here, we're talking about living, breathing, take many years to grow up children that will be yours and take your name. Not some products off a shelf or ordered at the till rather young humans. How many do we want? We looked at each other smiled and said two, we've been thinking about siblings, how we are both only's and how wonderful it would be to have more than one. Our worker said, 'two, how about three or four, what's your limit?' this did make us laugh, LOL actually. We're a couple who has been such for 17 years and now we're being asked if want to be a family of six overnight! While it sounded brave and exciting we decided that one or a pair would be enough of a change, and that we were open to 0-4 year olds. This was and is a big shift in our thinking/planning as the adoption through our agency in Indiana was always going to be one and a newborn. Now it could possibly be two and one of them almost old enough for school.
     To say the least we felt good about our initial meeting, and while it carried on raining we were still unbothered (also not in the dictionary, I'm surprised by that), by the drops falling as we walked back to the city centre.

On reflection while eating at Misson Burrito, which will probably be our go-to place in Reading we remarked how well things had gone and how quickly the process was going. We also stated that this was hopefully just the first trip to Reading out of what could be many more. Those many more start up again tomorrow, if you read this remember us in your prayers and thoughts, blessings
e and r

Tent Dwellers? The story of our housing - July 18th

     For those of you that know us from living in Goshen would agree that we are settlers when it comes to housing after living in the same apartment for 9+ years. For those of you who know us from Overton probably think that we are either pioneers, love the change of address or are simply unlucky in our housing situations.

Why write about our housing on an adoption blog? 

     Rebecca and I have been told many times that we are like Abraham and Sarah, following God in faith, leaving our homeland, waiting for promises, trusting God for children and now we can add those who move from place to place and house to house onto that list. I think that as you read on you'll recognise as we have that our Father in Heaven has been His miraculous Being with us the whole time. (If you want to read about just the latest housing story then skip down to the green arrow)

    Turning up in this country almost 5 years ago (ya it's been that long:) we had hardly any possessions here but for some clothes, a computer, guitar and a few board games. The rental market in the villages are incredibly quick moving and our first cottage had three on the waiting list the day it went up. After that weekend we were first in the queue and the church here was able to secure it for us as our first dwelling.

     After about a year we felt very clearly from God the call to live in community, to share life with others in an intimate close dwelling house-share situation. This was a step for us, but one that we were excited about taking, of course having a place to call home that was big enough was the next step. That query was answered when we were approached about renting an amazing grade 2 listed house (parts of it built before Columbus sailed the ocean blue) right in the heart of the village. For those of you who had the opportunity to visit us while there you'll know what a marvelous provision 14 Winchester was. In many respects living there was a steep learning curve, and it was whilst we were there we really felt the call to walk down the adoption road. There was one major problem; this beautiful dwelling was not very suitable for little children and after inquiry with the landlord it was decided that we could not have children and carry on living there. 

     After living there for a little more than two years we were informed that the house was going to be sold, tough news, but after reflection we could see God's hands all over our situation. Our estate agent said don't worry there's a great 4 bedroom place that is going to be available right when you need it, so in some respects kick back and relax. That mental relaxation didn't last long as he shared with us that the house he had pegged for us was not going to be vacant after all, and that he did not have any other options for us either. Then after a couple of weeks we ran into him on the street and he said it was going to available would we like to see it that week before it went on the market? Often in life we have to wait, we know that with this move we signed on 24 Glebe Meadow the day before Lizzie went on holiday and a couple of days before our adoption trip in February 2012. What peace of mind knowing when we returned we had a new place to lay our head, and a place that was going to be long term. 

 

We took long term to mean this was ours (we were renting but still making it ours as much as possible) we were able to transform the garden, paint if we like, call it home basically. When my parents came to England to visit us on the 11th of June we were gushing about how our house was going to be an impeccable place to raise children and they agreed wholeheartedly. Imagine our surprise when on return from lunch that same Tuesday a call from the estate agent stating that we were being served notice (we had to move) within a two-month period! We reluctantly had him over to talk in person, Lizzie, Rebecca and I all stayed downstairs to meet with him while my parents sat and waited in the red room upstairs.It was accurate the landlord was moving back and he intended to live in his house, this after not visiting the property for over a decade. We were all taken aback as was our estate agent. On this occasion he didn't have any leads of a place, and after surfing around the net a bit we discovered nothing to rent either. 

     It's at this point when questions start to surface in the mind... what if nothing comes up? where else could we go? is there somewhere short term? what are our options? After a great holiday with Cliff and Della we then turned our thoughts to 'what's next' and 'what if''? How quickly we can forget the promises of God, for every what if there is a but God, and we hold fast to the truth of 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'. We kicked around a few ideas all leaving us without real answers, there was still nothing and we knew that the 21st of August we had to move whether we had somewhere permanent or not.  So we all carried on praying and there was a whole church praying for us, in fact a prayer meeting for the men of the church was happening on the Wednesday. 

     Rebecca and I decided to go down to the parish church and pray about a variety of areas of our life and the lives of the church, and after returning home the rector called with some interesting news. He had been speaking with a lady at the school fete who mentioned in conversation they were moving, did he know of anyone who might want to rent a 3 bedroom place in the village? We had spoken with Ian (the rector) the day before and he indicated that he knew of nothing around to rent either. He quickly rang us with this news, we attempted to hide our excitement, but after a couple of hours we had to take action and call. Turns out they were putting the house on the rental market that in two days time, but our meeting took place that night, and after walking out, those questions that rolled around our minds were once again answered. 

     Something from nothing, that's the way God works, He created from nothing, he consistently provides and in this case a house when there were no other suitable ones, a long term let where raising children will be a joy. Smack dab in the middle of the village, walking distance to shops, parks, allotments, our church facility, friends etc... another provision. There is a ten-day gap between moving from one to the next and the Lord has given us space for our stuff be stored across the street in our friends garage. Yesterday we found out that we can house sit at another friends house until it is time for us to officially move at the end of August.      This time we have an answer before the 11th hour, before we have our home-study for the adoption, during August when we have more time, we have a place to stay in the interim. There are so many reasons to shout it from the mountaintops who and how God is. I don't think we are simply unlucky in our housing, for us it is our journey, one of faith, moving from here to there and finding contentment in every situation. Rather we have the opps to see answers to pray right before our eyes, what a privilege and exciting life to lead. Please pass on this blog if you know of others who are experiencing times of question, or times of having to move or in a place where faith is needed, our Father will never leave or forsake us! 

That's right I need to call - May 15th and 16th

     Maybe it was of being scared of the answer, maybe it was procrastination, maybe it was the timing of God? I had on my list to call an adoption charity here in this country. I hadn't done it, could not seem to remember to make the call. Our friends Julian and Florence had their adoption go through at the very end of March and of course we were over the moon for them. While playing golf with Julian on a beautiful spring afternoon he mentioned to me the name of the agency that they had used, they did not use the council as most do. I logged the name and made a note to call.
     My call didn't come until the 15th of May, the 15th is an important day in our lives because 3 years to the day Rebecca's father Larry passed away from a short battle with cancer. He was a caring man who would have been pulling for us all the way through our adoption journey. I had contacted the council about a week previous to hear that we could in fact adopt in this country but only after our new visa had totally gone through. At that point we could inquire further with the county council. That was great news but it didn't seem like that open of a door, more of one that wasn't fully latched.

     The Wednesday morning of the 15th I remember to call soon before having to leave to pick Rebecca up from her weekly prayer meeting with other ladies in the church. I didn't know it but at that time I made the call they were praying for us, specifically about our next step and our communication with the agency. I explained our situation briefly to the receptionist and she transferred  me to the domestic department where I once again explained our situation briefly. Just after i finished she informed that there was nothing we could do until after the visa was in our possession. At that point her manager walked past and she put the phone down to talk with him, I didn't have much faith at that point as I expected their chat to be fruitless to our efforts. Upon coming back on the phone her voice was one of surprise as she exclaimed with excitement that we could in fact get started with the process right away. Before I knew it I was giving details of our email, address, birthdates etc... and she finished by saying that somebody from the agency would contact us in the next week to arrange an initial interview. I was gleeful and immediately phoned Rebecca to inform of my running late, but for a very good reason this time! She was shocked and hurriedly passed on the news to the praying ladies who their heard their just offered prayer being answered on the spot.

     We've learned that waiting isn't much fun but along the way there are many cool surprises and the fact that the agency called back the next day was icing on the proverbial cake. Our thoughts about the ILR and our process were true, we were going for an interview in this country, to adopt from this country While the TV show Father Knows Best is certainly dated and sort of irrelevant, it is true that our Heavenly Father does know best and He is never dated or irrelevant.

But God...by Rebecca - July 7th

     When we are struggling or have questions or are confused about life, friends are amazing, they can encourage and help us have strength for whatever life is throwing our way.  I am so blessed by the many friends that I have, friends here in England who have become like family even though I have know them for only a handful of years and friends who I have known nearly a lifetime back in Indiana who are so precious to me especially as our times together are often not as long as we would like them to be. There is one friend though that is different than all of my other friends.  He is my friend who sticks closer than a brother, who I can always count on, and will never, ever let me down.  Jesus has seen me through thick and thin and been with me in Indiana, England, and everywhere life has taken me.

     Earl mentioned in his last post about a life-changing word that we received the night of May 2nd and it actually involves both kinds of friends that I have mentioned.  I went to bed that evening still feeling a bit unsettled, my "what ifs?" still lingered deep within my heart even though I wanted to shut them down.  I just decided I need to trust God that He would put my fears to rest but that is not always easy to do!  I woke up in the middle of the night that night and as it was still dark thought I would look at my phone to see what time it was.  I think it was 4:00 in the morning or something like that but I more importantly I realised that a text had come after I had gone to bed.   The text was from a dear friend and it said something like this, "while I was praying for you the other I day, I felt God say, for all your whys and what ifs? there is always But God."

     That did it for me really, Jesus, my friend who sticks closer than a brother heard my words and worries of 'what ifs' and spoke to my friend who was able to encourage me.  Those words to me were and are really powerful and God has really cemented something in my heart.  As we have had other interesting twists and turns in life since the night of May 2nd I have always had in the back of my mind, no matter what Rebecca, remember But God!  He is here, He will get me through, He loves me and will help me.  As my mom always says at the end of every conversation, Praise the Lord!  He knows what we need right when we need it!

Owls, Monkey's, and the IOW - 2nd May

     My birthday had come and gone, including tickets to a Rend Collective concert, three CD's, a song book and tickets to the Owl and Monkey Haven on the Isle of Wight. We had never been to the IOW as it is known by, but have been told by many that it is beautiful. The many are right it is beautiful. The weather was priceless, the English channel was a majestic blue and the whole experience of the ferry crossing was exhilarating. On the drive to Portsmouth we had another one of 'those' conversations.
     On the A303 only about 10 minutes from home our talk about the idea that the adoption wasn't going to happen, at least not through the agency in America surfaced again. Obviously it was on our minds and it was not the way we expected this birthday trip to center around. Going away for our birthdays seem to bring out the deep-feelings within us. This time the question that we were verbalising was 'what if', what if we never got a call, what if we could use the system here, what if we are too old to adopt, what if this and what if that.

It's not easy to hold so many questions in tension with the rest of life, it's almost as though our concerns and questions were buried just below the surface. Being there we did not have to deal with them or see them, but in reality they are there. Exposing something in the light seems to make it managable whether it's addiction, financial trouble, or in our case uncertainty and worry. The talk proved to be another helpful time to dig deep into our the thoughts and emotions, but once arriving at the port we parked our convo for the day.
   

Our time on the IOW was so much fun, the owls and monkeys were fun-loving and interesting. The IOW did not disappoint as we drove around the isle and strolled along the promenade in a beach town. We eventually left for home in the early evening and later that night recieved one of those words from God that is like a marker, a little altar built as a reminder of what God said, never to be forgotten.

Another conversation on the green couch - April 11th

     Another month and a half flew by, and we had much encouraging news with the church from salvations, new people, new logo, new name and a potential new facility. All of this was bubbling away around us, it is what we do day in and day out so to have so many encouraging stories almost caused us to fly along on auto-pilot with the adoption. The update had been completed, our taxes had been submitted and the admin side of things was sorted (for now at least) When we came to a Thursday we sighed deeply, it's our day off and the worries/tasks of leading the church take a backseat while we relax, go shopping, out to eat and generally enjoy each other's company. Also on these days is when we usually have some honest conversation about life, often mixed around games of Ticket to Ride and coffee in the red room. On this Thursday Rebecca just came right out and said it.

'We're not going to adopt from the agency in America,  I don't think it's going to happen'

     I've learned to accept, trust and follow Rebecca's hunches and I agreed with her that I didn't think it would happen either. It was a bit of a surreal conversation as something that we have desired, fought for, spent money, time and unaccounted emotion for now seemed to be out of our grasp. It reminds me of something either dropped in water or hit into water that is just beyond your reach and slowly it drifts away or down stream. If it is a stream then there is that possibility the object may drift back toward shore or get stopped on a rock where it could be reached by a stick or by the hand. That's the way our process has felt, it was out of grasp again but we definitely felt that further down the metaphorical stream it would come back into reach. The truth of the analogy is the reality of the lack of control that we have, the stream is in control. For our process our Heavenly Father is in control and only He can orchestrate how, who, when, where and numerous other questions which we are unable to answer.

     Having this type of conversation you might expect would be deflating, depressing, the kind that takes the wind out of your sails. For us it was different, it was relief, no longer did we have to hold onto fading hope almost fooling ourselves. Rather we could get up brush ourselves off and get back on the horse. Honesty is the best policy and for us it was very liberating to be brutally honest about where we were both thinking individually.

Homestudy Call - February 25th

     It had been an important weekend with the power of the conference and the rekindling of many friendships and all to be topped off with our planned Skype call on the Monday night. We were admittedly nervous not knowing exactly the way forward but were resting in peace about our newly formed visa decision. During our call we had a pleasant discussion, a nice catch up, some laughs and after the formal part our advisor asked if we had any other questions. Just one huge one... would our new visa disqualify us from using the agency and cancel our possibility of adopting? This was no light weight question rather one that could be the fulcrum of our on-going adoption process.
     We were taken aback, no shocked at the response given. We were told we could change our status here in the UK and they could simply shift our status there (Indiana) to be an American couple living abroad and internationally adopting from the US. Again that is not the norm for international adoptions but as stated many times before on this blog we're not considered the norm. It's not that abnormal for an American couple to adopt from abroad, but an American couple living abroad but actually adopting from America seems almost backward. At that moment it was our only choice that is until we found out more information. This process is a bit like being a sleuth, the clues are there, the solution is there but we've had to sniff them out over the years. The Skype conversation ended with smiles, a prayer and what looked like a clear path forward.