9th-12th August - If 3's company then 4's a crowd - More reflections from our introductions

There is more than a subtle difference between going to the park and avoiding the park. It's simple, but now we go the park, we play on the swings, ride down the slide, and generally run about. Another place that is off limits without kids are soft play areas, again they are now destinations not reasons for a detour. What fun the soft play area was, little tikes from wall to wall, no place to plop down with our stuff, myriads of noises from toys and kids alike. After a bit we caught our collective breaths and found a couple of spots at a table. Whether it was the ball pool, crawling gym, toddler toys, riding toys it was all a blast.

When it was time to pause for a drink the girls were just a bit shattered, they and we had played hard for over an hour, it was time for a break. It's weird to think that these places like the park and soft play area are ones that we'll seek out from now on, after many years of actively not finding out where they were.

Today it was another kid friendly space the farm. There were all sorts there; pigs, cows, rabbits and a huge play area. We enjoyed it all while dodging rain drops and attempting to navigate two push chairs, some of the time carrying one but you get the idea. To give a bit of perspective to our time of introductions they have been building slowly. From just a morning together for example up to today when we were there all day including the bed time routine. As you can imagine there is much to learn and a quick learning curve, but all is well, we are figuring out how to be four. 

Life is fun with 4, getting into two car seats, two buggies for a walk, two meals for them and food for us, it's all just a bit complicated. Yesterday we were in and out of the car repeatedly here and there then to and from appointments. It wasn't a day full of 'fun' stuff, but it was a day full of life. One memory that will stick in our minds was when we got in the car and our oldest one exclaimed 'follow that Spongebob daddy' that meant to follow the car ahead which had Spongebob sun shades on the back windows. Now whenever we get in the car that's what we do!

If you've followed along our journey at all you'll know that we have eagerly awaited these days, those first opportunities to build family and memories. That's what this week is all about, building trust, understanding, and memories with each other. 

7th -8th August - Starting Introductions

What would we feel today, what would we experience today? These were questions rolling around our minds as we went to an introduction meeting and then an hour later to meet the girls. This was a day that we've been looking forward to for nearly three years now, to say we lapped it up would be an understatement. How do you begin to explain what's it like walking into a house and there are two little girls eager to meet you, actually they are our daughters and we're mommy and daddy. (Still has to go through court hearing before totally official)

The first words we heard today as we eagerly opened the door were just that; mommy and daddy. I can't say that we expected that, maybe after a couple of days or a couple of hours but not the first words that we'd hear. I've attempted to reflect on those moments and take pictures in my mind so that they are not lost, ever. They are the type of moments that Kodak calls for, or the kind that Instagram or Snapchat tend to catch, but on this occasion it wasn't to be disrupted by the camera or mobile it was for our eyes and ears only. After all this time to be seated in the foster carers front room, interacting with the girls, playing with one while the other toddled around, or holding one while the other did a puzzle, it didn't matter what we did. Actually the younger one fell asleep on my lap, that was bliss just relaxing there together.

At some point we'll capture some pics and video, but for now we're relishing in the experience and taking mental pictures. We have literally just met them today for the first time and already see interesting traits, personality likenesses and have made memories from just an hour and half together. As I said to someone yesterday now that we have reached this point it is actually the beginning, and that means more memories that you can count on their way!

Well more memories were created today, as we walked through the door there they both were one with cheeky grin and the younger one waving and saying hiya. They understood who we were and that we had come to be with them, to play, interact and simply be. We were there for three hours, to be honest it felt like hardly more than a half-hour, it went so quickly. There was a bit of crying here and there, lots of laughter, a bit of reading, painting and playing peekaboo. It felt normal, that was one of our concerns and prayers, that we could be at the foster carers house and it would just be normal.

Often in life we are not looking for normal, it's either a let-down, or maybe even a failure if it's just 'normal'. Many times we think we need the optional extras, or as McDonalds made famous not just a meal but make a Supersize meal. Something without the bells and whistles might be looked down on, but for us right now its great to have it a regular feeling Thursday and Friday. We'll see what the rest of the weekend has in store, probably a visit to a soft play area, along with more time at the home. Then next week more adventures and memories will no doubt be made.

6th August - Tomorrow is just another day you'll never forget

Tomorrow is just another day you'll never forget was a tagline used by Apple when introducing iTunes or some other techy gadget (Actually turned out to be the Beatles available on iTunes). For us it is a strapline we could use for the 7th of August 2014, one of those days that will quickly rise to the top of important dates in our lives. We all have them, the dates that you don't forget, the ones you don't have to look up (or least not all that often), the vital ones that carry buckets of significance.

In Biblical times these days and events are the kind that were remembered by either feasting or building a stone altar. Either way they were set apart, they were celebrated and they were marked, there are still little groupings of stones which stand today built thousands of years ago. There are many examples from present day too, D-Day, the day that Kennedy was assassinated (Nov 22, 1963) 9/11, it doesn't really need more explanation than that. There are also dates that we all whether they be birthdays or wedding anniversaries to name two that immediately spring to mind. Yep the 3rd August 1996 in the Old Goshen Theatre is forever etched in our minds, in fact we just celebrated our 18th by going away for an evening. There are gala times for the 20th Jan and 14th April each year. For us there are a couple more which would probably make that list too.

The 22nd July of 2008 was one of those days, we had officially packed all our belongings in the US and headed off across the ocean to a little village in the south of England to help lead a small rural church. We did not know all that day held, but we knew that it was the beginning of a brand new chapter if not a whole new book altogether. Then along came the 17th Jan of 2010 when we 'took on'

the leadership of West Basingstoke Community Church, what a day surrounded by friends from all over the country and the overwhelming support of the local church. At that point we didn't know what it would feel like to plot the way forward, to have the buck stop here and to be the voice of the people. I'll never forget the feeling on the Monday morning walking down the stairs realising what had happened the previous day, a new authority and responsibility that can't really be explained.

The 15th of September 2011 is another one, not as exciting or life-changing as the others but important nonetheless. That is the day that we made the phone call looking into adoption, we were able to connect with an agency in America who we eventually worked through for over two years. We also were able to speak with the Embassy in this country to find out that we could use an American agency even though we were living here, what amazing news that was. Could we have predicted that close to three years later the culmination of many forms, meetings, trips here and there, emails, phone calls and prayer times would be taking place?

That is tomorrow, it is the pinnacle of the last three years, we set eyes on the girls tomorrow, we spend time with them tomorrow, we personally enter their lives tomorrow. Has it been a long road? You bet, has it been excruciating at times? Absolutely. Would we have rather been another couple who saw their dreams come true without much if any heartache? Maybe but we have a bit of understanding of walking through pain and difficult times, the kind that many other people do as well. We look at the scores of people we have walked with, the numerous ones we've been able to encourage and the times where many have been called to pray on our behalf and we've seen faith enacted before our very eyes. So the 7th of August 2014 is just another day that's true, but it's one that we'll never forget. 

29th July - The Now and Not Yet - A YES from Matching Panel

The above phrase was one that took a place in the lore of our Bible college year as numerous visiting speakers used this phrase when talking about the Bible. I had never heard of the 'now and not yet' until 7 years ago sitting in the Vale Room in Oxford. Essentially it is a way of looking at how the Bible explains the growth of the Kingdom of God throughout time. It is growing here on earth presently which is the now, but also recognising that there is much which has not happened yet, it will in time but not yet. While it is a great statement for the Kingdom of God it could take meaning for a wider variety of aspects of life too.

While driving back from our matching panel meeting this afternoon Rebecca and I were searching for the metaphor or phrase we'd use to describe today. That familiar one 'the now and not yet' sprang to mind. There is much we are processing daily, whether that be acquiring something for the girls bedroom, maybe it's car seats or some children's books. It feels like daily something is added to the temporary holding point of the front room where gifts and purchases are being stashed. Seemingly daily there are emails or some kind of communication with our agency or with a local authority pertaining to dates and details. There are the more than daily conversations we have together. There are updates to friends who we bump into in the village or seeing people at some type of church gathering. All of this is now, it is present, it is exciting and at times quite exhausting. It feels like we are preparing on speed, after only figuring out what we really needed less than a fortnight ago from today.

The meeting today was also 'now', it was another milestone on the journey that we have now passed. The matching panel gives their approval to perspective adopters after reading their information and the children's information along with an interview type meeting. Today we sat in front of a group of 12 people some on the panel and also some social workers. Unlike some interviews we had a list of the questions which we were going to be asked, being able to work through our possible answers ahead of time was really helpful. The whole morning went exactly as planned, there were no curve balls, there was nothing which surprised or frustrated us. Much like the last time we went to panel we felt the prayers of so many others with us in both the waiting room and the board room. We have now travelled past the matching panel on we go into the 'not yet'

There is no doubt that we are relishing the 'now', it's a special time of preparing. By no means do we want to just look to the next stage or the next important meeting but I have to admit we do. We all do, it's in the  'Not yet' is where life gets very interesting. Isn't it exhilarating to ponder what's next, where might I be in two years, five years, what about in retirement? While it is so important to live in the present it's also human nature to think about the 'not yet'.

The final question today was along the lines of what are hopes for the future of the girls? It was a special question, it wasn't only about how might we handle a situation, or what kind of support system do we have around us. It was a query with emotion attached, it was one that brought tears to both of our eyes as we answered. A question like that really deserves an extended time to think about before attempting to formulate an answer.

It's the kind of question that you discuss when lying outdoors at night staring at the stars or gazing at the cloud formations rolling by on a summer's day. I suppose it's a recipe of blue-sky thinking mixed in with expectations, a bit of planning, a whole lot of flexibility and more than a dash of prayer. I know enough about children that there aren't blueprints drawn up as to how they will develop and grow into who they are. There are not formulas which can simply be plugged in and then your child/children will be what you planned or expected. I think that the excitement will be in watching them figure that out, seeing them be creative, trying new things, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing but growing into who they are through it all. That's the hope, that they will grow into who they are meant to be.

24th July - Showers of Blessing

     We turned up in the UK 6 years ago yesterday, to say we are blessed would be an understatement. It is amazing when you look around our home here in Overton, you can count on your fingers the household items that we actually bought. The amount of man hours that have been accumulated in helping us move house 3 times, in helping with DIY projects is quite staggering too. We have been on the other end of generous monetary gifts as well throughout our time whether it has been to help with travel expenses, everyday expenses or to take a special holiday. They say that April is a month of showers and while true, I think that July showers are quite awesome (American word for ya'll) too.

     Allow me to explain, last night I went out to my friends to play Dominion while Rebecca had a special evening, the kind that whole photo albums are dedicated toward. Some friends from our church spearheaded by Jo put on a baby shower for her, it was held at the hall where we gather for our church meetings. How many times has she gone out the door for someone else's baby shower, I'm not sure but it's been quite a few. It was very exhilirating seeing the excitement on her face as she came down the stairs in her beautiful dress ready to go to her baby shower!

     There was a large group of women who came along to join in the festivities, I was told that they played some fun games, enjoyed food together and watched as Rebecca unraveled the gifts from paper and gift bags. Last week we were blessed to be given some practical gifts from friends in the village, then we bought a buggy, have been looking at beds and other practicals. The shower gifts weren't practical they were toys; musical, bath, cooking, dress up, a paddling pool, art easel, DVDs, CDs, books, the kind of stuff that is downright fun to open up and play with ourselves. We have had basically no toys in this house till now, soon there will be misplaced duplo blocks, little doll dresses, a favourite book and the like, a bit searching for lost items sounds like fun to me.

     The prep is going swimmingly as we carry on getting the bedroom and front room ready. This past week we were blessed with a gift from the church and in the card it mentioned a 'wendy house'. I was not familiar with the term, for those of you that aren't it is a playhouse, not so much a little plastic one but a proper wooden building like a small shed. We researched a bit, with the help of Lizzie found a great spot in the garden and actually bought it on Monday on the spot. By Tuesday there was already a group of guys from the church who have agreed to collect it, even the ground and build the wendy house. We have so enjoyed the showering of the giving, care and joy of so many friends around us, yup the showers of July are a real blessing.

The Great Adventure

Strolling through our village the other day for some reason I was reminded an art print we had once that was signed by famous Christian music artist Steven Curtis Chapman. It was a vividly coloured desert like scene with a horse that was front legs up just raring to race towards the distant mountains. What that horse was headed for was 'The Great Adventure' as the album and picture were called. Our lives have never been labeled 'The Great Adventure' but we certainly have had some along the way. We now enter into the final stages of our adoption process, probably feeling a bit like the horse who was so ready to be released into the wild, able to gallop and run freely in the open air.

The day that we received the news of being officially linked with two little girls for adoption we were in a prayer meeting with a bunch of other church leaders. Sometimes when people pray for each other they see a picture/object that relates to the person who they are praying for at the time. This happened to us as one of the ladies who prayed for us said that she saw a hot air balloon which had been flying around, being blown here and there by the wind. That balloon was now going to come to rest on the ground and at that point we could exit the balloon. Once safely on the ground we could then get on with the next part of life, her picture spoke of farming (we're not buying a farm or even planting anything for that matter) and we would see fruit in our lives. Again much like the horse itching to go, so we too are ready for this next part of the journey. This meant so much to us as we certainly had felt blown around by this process, then more a clear descending toward the ground and now about ready for touchdown and the safety of the ground. 

This week we have opportuntiy to meet a number of people who have been in the girls lives, it is called a life appreciation day. We certainly appreciate it, a chance to ask questions, hear stories, gather information, and hopefully see some more pictures. There are a myriad of questions we have, many are practical as we are attempting to prepare a bedroom, and setup another area of the house that will be a real child zone. What do they already have? What all do we need to buy? We really look forward to meeting these significant people, and to having some of questions answered. 

As you can imagine we are totally stoked, this is our first trip to the local authority where the girls are presently and we'll be making another one later this month for the matching panel meeting. We also have another jaunt in August which is planned as well. The meetings, emails, phone conversations they are all part of the great adventure, one that we have been so blessed embark upon over the last few years. If you have the time enjoy a listen to a blast from the past with 'The Great Adventure' by Steven Curtis Chapman.

C'mon let's celebrate! - Tuesday 17th June

There are so many reasons to celebrate in life and in our lives specifically but firstly we want to celebrate our Lord and Saviour Jesus who has walked with us through all the ups and downs of adoption. In the Bible in Psalm 68:6 it says that God sets the lonely in families and later in the Bible it reads that we are adopted sons/daughters of the Lord, what a great family to belong to!

     While we have carried some deflating news at times through this process, Monday the 16th at 11:10 the phone call was anything but deflating. We've had other phone calls, way back in Feb 2013 when we heard we could do a Skype interview with the American agency, to our call with the agency here in the UK. There was also the elation of the approval call that we had eagerly desired for close to a month. They were exciting and encouraging, but still only a signpost on this twisting and turning road. The call on Monday morning was more than just a signpost it was more like a convergence onto a new roadway, it was to state that we have been officially linked for an adoption. You are probably interested in some details, here are some to whet the appetite...

     We have been linked with two little girls aged 1 and 3 who are from the northern part of England. We have always been interested adopting two and after looking at many profiles, having oodles of emails back and forth with our wonderful agency we are so excited to be linked with these two little girls. There is much to do before the adoption takes place. We have a trip there in mid- July to meet people in their lives, another trip in late July for a matching panel meeting. At that meeting it is determined by a panel of professionals and adopters if we are in fact the right mom and dad for these two. Provided that the panel approves us and the decision is ratified then after another couple of weeks we then proceed back there to be introduced to the girls, stay near the foster home and be around more and more until eventually bringing them back to our home in Overton in the late summer.

If you are interested in reading the story of the last Thursday the day of our meeting with the local authority social workers feel free to carry on reading. Once again thanks for supporting us by keeping up with our story, if this is your first read then please go back to earlier entries to catch more of the story.

Thursday 12th June:
This entry will be in parts, the first is what if feels like today here at home as we await the arrival of our social worker and two social workers from the local authority of the children we are hoping to adopt. Anticipation is a word that I have written about before and once again that term has taken centre stage, interestingly though the meeting this time in our house. We have the opportunity to be the hosts, to put on the lunch for all to enjoy, to set the tone of comfort as opposed to a clinical, whitewashed waiting room in an office with no character. This is right up our street, showing hospitality, cooking, baking and opening up our home. It has been said that highest form of hospitality is adopting, to literally welcome people you don't know into your family and home 24/7 not just for a day or two.

We don't know what the outcome of today's meeting will be, we hope and pray for a green light moving forward to the next stage, that is in God's hands. As I was reading today I came across this passage from Psalms 40, I've read that scripture quite often but have not seen verses 4-5 like I did this morning... Blessed is the one  who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud to those who turn aside to false gods.^[b]5 Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.

Later today we found ourselves reflecting upon the meeting and the whole day. It was relaxed, it was a time to be hospitable and have honest discussion. Throughout the day we really felt peaceful, whether that be the final prep of the house, playing a game while we waited or the actual meeting. There was a sense of calm, the weather was gorgeous and everything went like clock work.
During the meeting we asked some questions and the social workers asked us some questions, none was a surprise to us. They already knew a great deal about us, this was more confirmation than new information and the helpful tool of putting a face with a name, or in our case faces with names. So what about now? that is the question that we ask ourselves, it is another space of waiting, albeit not as harried or long as other interim periods.We do plan on hearing some news on Monday, again hoping for, praying and expecting, but until the mobile rings...

Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own, - June 4th

     What is the church? If I had a nickel for everytime I heard that question asked I could probably buy a latte or smoothie, essentially I've been heard that question or topic discussed many a time. Being a church leader it is very pertinent to my life and it is a point of conversation that arises and is a subject matter in most books that I pick up. There are many clever descriptions and definitions out there and I think I should put my hat into the ring with my own.

     The church is a Christ centered group of people, they are friends, they are family, the church are the ones who are there when you can't make it on your own. I have always thought that to be true but never more than recently. If you are part of The Community Church (West) then you are the ones that I'm writing about, some of our friends and family here in the UK. As you are probably aware Rebecca and I moved to the village of Overton in Hampshire in the late summer of 2008. At that point we left Goshen and our friends and family, along with other family and friends across other parts of the US. We turned up in this place without many friends and with no family. That was late summer of 2008 almost 6 years ago now (my how time flies).

     Over the course of living here and having the great opportunity to lead the church we have developed many deep friendships, we have truly found friends and family. During this adoption process there have been many ups and downs and the church has been there in the ups and downs. They have been cheerleaders when that was required, they have been prayer warriors, they have been shoulders to cry on and people with whom we have shared a special celebration meal. They have been all of these aspects of support along with daily lifting us up in prayer and gently asking how is it going. Not demanding answers, not being intrusive, rather interested, keen to know how we are doing as much as the 'latest news'.

     How does that make us feel? Immeasurably blessed, just a few years ago we were a couple of Americans who they decided to invite and bring across the ocean so that we could walk with them and eventually lead. A gamble sure, they did not know how we would cope with the cultural changes (there are many, too many to list in a simply blog entry) how we would handle living in the centre of a village and all of the village quirks (again too much for one blog entry). I've never thought of us as risk-takers but moving here was risk and with high risk comes high reward.

     The song Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own came on my Ipod yesterday while I was at the gym and the realisation of those lyrics to the title rung true in my head. I totally know that we can't make it on our own without Jesus as Saviour and the Holy Spirit leading and guiding, but I also know that we can't without others too. I have heard the term church-goer used before, I don't like or use it because we are the church, the people are the church community, we don't just 'go', we are.

      If you are a reader of this blog and not part of a church community can I encourage you to investigate a people, a church community that you can plug into.

Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own by U2 written by Bono for his father's funeral

Waiting for take-off - 20th May

     They say the best things in life are worth waiting for, if this is accurate then we have quite a cupboard full of best things. It feels as though we have had many opportunties to wait (I totally recognise that almost everyone does and could pen a blog about their life situations), whether that be for a sign-off on paperwork, the visa application which was at a stand-still or for the right house to be available to be able to move to. So when we found out that we'd be waiting for our meeting with visiting social workers for about a month longer than originally expected we were both gutted and prepared at the same time.

     Last week we broke the great news that we are being visited by social workers of a sibling group. This is going to happen but it is going to be in mid-June rather than this week. We found out the news on an email whilst waiting to check out from ASDA just after we'd created a to do list for the visit this week. Was it difficult? Yes. Did we see some real positives? Yes, firstly our social worker can be present at the meeting, we have more time to prepare, we are able to do the requested date so no diary shuffling is needed.

TBH having that meeting this week would have been extremely quick, maybe we are used to moving at a snail's pace, but when I looked back at my prayer journal from last Tuesday morning the sibling's we are interested in weren't even in my journal. That was only a week ago, goes to show how fast aspects of this process can move.


     We'll keep you all up to date with the proceedings, although there may not be much to say as we are back in a holding pattern.  It feels like we are on the tarmac and have been told that we can taxi to the runway for take-off but must wait for clearance from the tower before rolling down the runway and lifting off. To take the analogy further the engines are humming, the tray-tables are up, all baggage is safely stowed in over head cabins, seat belts are on and we are simply awaiting the roar of the engine as it picks up enough ground speed to hit the air. If you've flown you know the anticipation and excitement that hits when the plane takes that turn, there is no other plane ahead and thrust of the machine puts you straight back in your seat. We are in that anticipating position.

We are expecting a visitor :) - May 15th

If you can picture it I was at the gym working out on the elyptical  machine, about halfway through my warmup exercise, and then a tap on the shoulder. It took me by surprise as I had headphones in and was rockin out to some tunes while running along. Anyway it was an employee asking if I was Earl and if so that I had a phone call waiting at the front desk. Now if you have ever had this type of call you'll  know it is one of two things - 1. Amazing news that simply could not wait or 2. Awful news that simply could not wait. Which was this rolled through my mind as I left the machine and quickly made my way to the front desk downstairs.

I knew that it was Rebecca and from the tone of her voice I'd know the answer as to whether this was 1. or 2. It didn't take Sherlock to figure out it was AMAZING NEWS, the kind that you do stop, thank the Lord, scream it from the mountaintops and then attempt to take it all in.

On Monday we were sent yet another profile, we have had more than we probably expected, and have been interested in a quite a few. As I told some friends only one of the profiles will be describing our future child or children. While they all tug at our heartstrings we can't adopt all of them, in fact only one or two at the most. One of the profiles of a sibling pair late on Monday did pique our interest and as protocol we emailed our contact at the agency to ask for more information (a CPR which is the detailed report about the child/children) The CPR's don't always come back quickly, some we have asked for we've never seen in our inbox, this is most likely because the social worker is unavailable or that child/children is already matched to another waiting adopter.

Well this requested CPR did come back, on Tuesday it was in our possession, it came in the evening so I took advantage of having a free night (my meeting was cancelled) and we sat down to dig into another detailed profile. After finishing reading and talking about it an hour and a half later we thought that we;d ask to have this go to the next step. The next step is stating that we would like to have our names put forward as a potential matching couple. At this point it is again out of our hands, our agency worker attempts to contact the social worker and let them know of our interest. Now we have gone this far with two other profiles and both times it came back that the social worker did not choose to see us.

This is where yesterday's phone call comes into play, at 12:15 an email came through stating that the social worker would like to meet with us, and if it works can that be next week. TBH these things do not usually move that fast, but it works for us and them, so it's on. If you are somone who prays and lifts us up please do as we have the opportunity to sit down and ask questions, share about ourselves, our hopes/dreams and see if there is a link and connection. Watch this space, when there is more news you'll be aware:) 

Check out this beautiful song called 'Waiting Here for You' it is one that has really spoken to my heart, I love to play it with the youth worship band.